black is the colour

2010-09-05T13:39:00.002+10:00

"Pick up this knife... tear it from your heart that you ever loved
them....
You will have an eternity to grieve."
Medea, Euripides.

Oh, funny, ha, ha.

2010-08-05T00:28:00.002+10:00

It's kind of hypocritical that I promised to be a heck lot more positive here, but what I've only done is to screw things up further and I can't put this anywhere else because you cannot read it because it's not your fault, only mine. She said that the best advice ever given to her was to write it, write all of it out of my system so I'm going to try that here and hope for the best. I know I've been scared a lot, lately, and to be honest pretty much all the time I reckon I've lost all hope that I ever had in what's to come. Looking back now the truth is that I was a lot happier last time around, even though lots of things weren't perfect but I felt happy, but now I know all too well that that was just a lot of luck and egocentrism. Now when I'm faced with pressure and the competition to learn more for some reason I no longer feel as beautiful as I used to feel happier about, which is pride in the most narcissistic form of itself. I'm no longer the best and it bugs me, and that makes me worried because it means that I'm not in it for the learning, though how desperately always I try to be. I've not been the best friend. I've taken a lot and given nearly nothing in return, nothing I can tell myself confidently and surely that it was sincere. I've expected so much and not worked to get any of it, then whine and sob and self-destruct when nothing goes according to plan. I told myself that I'd work a lot harder this semester but no matter how I try to get enthusiastic about it I never manage to go the whole hog at once though I know that I can't afford to let anything snowball this time round. I have so many wonderful people looking out for me but I've never given back and to say that I don't dare to is just cowardice, and the worst thing is I cling on to them and I can't seem to let them go, though they have their own lives to lead. I'm getting anxious now cos I've been going on in circles and I haven't managed to knock any sense through my skull, but. I've taken too much for granted, love, and friendship. You deserved a lot better than me and what I can kick myself to give. I never listened properly, never sincerely, the way you never failed to give me your shoulder to lean on. This time when you found someone to open your heart to I kicked up a big fuss, called her all sorts of things I shouldn't have (in my head though, thank goodness) and went into defence mode, putting up all the walls and freezing over. I'm scared it will all end like last time, and my first instinct is to run for it and pretend all of this never happened and go all the way back to the beginning. And forget you. And I'm such a hypocritical bitch to be thinking that way because the fault is all mine and was never any of yours. I know I shouldn't rely on inference and I'm not the best judge of character. I'm angry. I just need to blow off steam. I need to cry. I'm an ungrateful slut to be doing this because the problem lies with me and this isn't anything to worry about, but her hurt and despair made me upset first of all. And I want to be with her through it, but she wants me to stay strong and I have to for all of us until you get better. I wasn't with you when you needed me. It might just be too late now. I can feel the tears, my eyes burn. I can't sleep though I have to and I'll probably have to take another pill just to knock myself out so I don't think about it and when I wake up tomorrow I'll force myself somehow to get on with what needs to be done. I'm worried about it and it's not what I should be doing but right now I hardly think there's any other way. I want to beg for your forgiveness and your warmth right now but I hardly deserve to, not at all. I want to curl up in a self-pitying lump and weep my heart out and call you all sorts of things and blame you for the fault that is and was never yours. And ironically, my very own hypocrisy hurts most of all.

2010-05-03T22:46:00.002+10:00

Well learnt that turns out she's human after all. Hmm. In such a sense growing up realising that yet another layer of the onion skin peels away. Entirely hopeless feeling of being overwhelmed, hearing the roar of water as it gathers momentum and swells behind me ready to topple over at any second, can't move anymore, can't even cry. Turns out that when I feared the world had frozen still and was going to fall apart, it turns out that it had just gone on turning without me, after all. And everytime I'm tired I laugh, I smile and my eyes sting and my head wants to burst from that overwhelming sensation to weep. Too tired to scream anymore. Is this it? Oh help, help. Help me. This just doesn't make anymore sense.

SCREW METRO.

2010-04-15T15:52:00.000+10:00

Sure. It's just as fucked up as it was before. Anything that exists to suck the money out of people is fucked up.

ALL FUCKED UP.

2010-04-09T20:21:00.002+10:00

No point asking how the hell it could have happened, and no point blaming anyone but myself cos it was entirely my fault. After all this time of blaming and crying and stressing out this is simply the cherry on top of the fucked-up sundae. Now there's no point in doing anything else except moving on and praying that I'll never screw up this bad again.

Except what the hell do I do now.

The most screwed up, frustrating week of my life so far.

Could this be a sign that I'm not doing the right thing?

I know of lots of people who'll want to say yes. And to make it all the better I have no idea anymore.

SNAP OUT OF IT.

2010-03-25T23:57:00.003+11:00

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck all of you. You're still the same crowd of materialistic, individualistic, narcissistic asses. Wonder why I'd thought so differently of you. Before after all. Should've expected it, should have known from the fucking start, should've known you'd all turn out the same cos you're all the same fuckers after all and there was no way you would've changed.

Fuck you all.

OK. Back to stats.

Ride Wit. Me

2010-03-21T23:08:00.006+11:00

Pretty long since the last time I did this so here goes :)

Tried doing a PS collage but failed miserably in getting that Avant-Garde Parisian look. Oh well. Worth a shot.

Pretty horrible-reso images snapped on the phone while out for R's birthday - read: AGES AGO - and W was driving. (experience to remember)

LMAO. :D

Last day before the Uni term opened and all of us except Z (lucky bugger!) had school smack on the next day. (me with a 5-hour timetable goshdarnit) China Bar on R's Mother's treat (THANK YOU! :D) and the fish was delicious and we hoarded the dessert bar like crazy. And the priceless look on Z's face when E, W and R duped him into chomping on the mandarin tart in one single bite ;) And T's ongoing commentary on the food and his strange obsession with trying out all the dim-sums and insisting that a prawn dumpling with salad was NOT a har-kow :O Honest to all that's holy I never did know why.

And E snapped weird photos sitting next to me LOL with even stranger captions, scared the heck out of me but it was really nostalgic meeting for the last time in yonks. Pity O couldn't make it, bet E was pissed at me for that but she really wasn't feeling well that day. But luckily L kept everything nice and sane. *sigh of relief*

But all in all, a day to remember and I really will miss you guys and that one hell of a year at Taylors. (sucky lifts, weird timetables, SAC cram sessions and all)

2010-03-03T22:56:00.000+11:00

Perhaps it's cos nearly everything's just so and blehh nowadays that I don't seem to be going anywhere. To be honest it's really immature that I'd be jealous of you, but occasionally in the random pissed-off mood I'd have to say that I just don't see what's so special in you anymore and in such a sense I'd laugh to see people worship the very ground you'd walk on. Goddammit I must be really zonked out to be this bitchy. Cos normally - well. Normally I try to keep the halo on despite knowing it's just not me. But honestly, for better, for worse, sometimes I can't see what they see in you - but anyway, you'd just make me, in the most absurd ways possible, just laugh.

2010-02-04T18:25:00.002+11:00

Have no idea why I went to chop off my hair again. Should've got it thinned to anyhoo, not just layered :S Hopefully it'll grow out a bit before school starts. Hairdresser cut my fringe a tad too short, but more or less it's quite decent. Now for the ever-loved *heh. heh* post-haircut OMFGWTH-did-i-do-now-must-wear-hair-up-in-ponytail-for-the-rest-of-my-life stage, which this time includes putting the blow-dryer on overdrive to tame the fringe. And learn to trim my own bangs while I'm at it anyway.

Revamped the blog layout AGAIN (seems like I'm antsy about stuff like that when I've got nothing productive to do, agh) HMTL skills have got so rusty. Should aim to increase neuroconnections fast, what with all the anagram and crypto training. And maybe I should pick up Sodoku, but me got no patience ): Brain's rusty, goshdarnit. And baking's gonna start again when the gatherings and confectionary-fests open and stress levels hit the roof when school starts :S

2010-01-31T23:56:00.001+11:00

Gah, for some reason or another enrolment has been getting real stressful =S

Which is apparently not a good sign, hmm. Food for thought indeed.

2010-01-04T00:35:00.006+11:00

OH AND THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SOME TRASHED UP DESPERADO WHICH I TRULY MIGHT AS WELL BE COS I'VE BEEN HANGING ON SO LONG UNABLE TO LET GO WITH NO EFFING ONE TO TURN TO AND COS I CAN'T JUST DROP YOU AND PRETEND YOU NEVER DID EXIST COS I KEEP ASKING MYSELF WHY YOU KEEP APPEARING THERE IN MY HEAD OVER AND OVER AND WHY CAN'T I EFFING FORGET YOU AND GET ON WITH MY LIFE I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF ALL THIS POINTLESS DRAMA AND PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE I'M NOT IN THE FACE OF THE IMPOSSIBLE AND HATING MYSELF COS OF IT AND THE WORST THING IS YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW AND IT WOULDN'T BE IN YOUR PLACE TO CARE AND IT'S MY ENTIRE FAULT I CAN'T SAY GOODBYE COS IN MY HEAD TWO VERSIONS OF YOU KEEP CANCELLING EACH OTHER OUT AND REAPPEARING- THE REASONABLE, SENSIBLE, LOVING ONE AND THE ONE EVERYONE ELSE SEES YOU FOR AND I KNOW YOU'LL ALWAYS BE THE FIRST TRIED TO CONVINCE MYSELF FAILED HORRIBLY HATE MYSELF FOR THAT FOR ALWAYS AND WHAT'S THE POINT OF GETTING MYSELF SO TANGLED UP WHEN MY LIFE IS SCREWED UP AS IT IS ALREADY. NOW I'VE GOTTEN TO A STAGE WHEN I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF YOU THE SAME WAY I COULD BEFORE AND I DON'T KNOW WHY AND NOW I'M AFRAID THAT SOMEDAY I'LL HAVE TO DESTROY YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL COS I'LL JUST NO LONGER BE ABLE TO THINK OF YOU LIKE I DID BEFORE AND IT'LL JUST DRIVE ME OVER THE EDGE. POINT BEING I DON'T KNOW WHY THE FUCK I'M GETTING SO WORKED UP AND SO JEALOUS COS OF THIS AND WHY YOU TURN OUT TO BE THE REASON I'M GETTING WORSE AND WORSE THOUGH I KNOW I'VE GOT TO EFFING STOP BLOODY ALREADY.

WHAT THE FUCK. SO IT'S TRUE HUH. I REALLY REALLY DO NEED TO GET A LIFE.

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT. I'LL DO BETTER. I'LL SHOW YOU.

2009-12-30T21:06:00.003+11:00

Hello, I thought I'd drop in before the new year rolls by, eh? :D

It's kind of weird, actually, seeing that nearly a year ago I was about to leave the place I'd been born and raised in for 16 years. I remembered that it was quite a frenzy.

For example, I:

*AHEM*

1. Nearly got loaded onto the wrong flight. Yeah, Qantas, all right. To Sydney. Thank goodness for the alert boarding officers who noticed that my boarding pass read MELBOURNE just as I was ushered up the gangway.

2. Got stuck there in the plane for 2 hours before take off. Engine problems.

Right already, I wanted to jump off, sprint up the gangway, through the Departure lounge and through the gates. Try loading me onto the wrong flight, then loading me onto a flight with engine problems. *shudders*

Still, I thought about doing a reflection; it just doesn't seem right to let a year slip past without some sentimentality? :D

THINGS I MISS ABOUT SINGAPORE
*Disclaimer: I'm gonna sound like some Uniquely Singapore AD. Stop the lectures already, I've had enough after all that research about tourist campaigns for my Geo report. The thing lasted 2 hours. Ms T told us that I'd probably set a record. Mrs A, you'd better be prouda me (: *

On with the show, yeah?

All right already.

In no order of merit;

1. The prices.

2. The food. (Confession. I miss my carrot cake. The 'white' sort. And I mean the variety withOUT the soy sauce, you racist bastard. Come to think of it I miss saying "White Carrot Cake" any where without being suspected of racist tendencies.)

3. The study 24/7 mentality. OK, I know this isn't a good thing to miss but I mean things were way simpler like that in secondary school where we just studied, the teachers squashed more stuff into our brains and we practiced, mock-tested, trial-examed and prelim-ed until it all came oozing out of our ears, then stuffed it all back in and force-fed us some more. (makes us sound like poultry on a chicken farm) Here they aren't so strict about homework, but it's the student's own responsibility to push him/herself. And I miss the days when I could just be a nerd without any worries.

4. The chocolate - I could stop any where, any gas station or supermarket and just grab a bar from the side at $1 +/-.

5. Weather. OK now I sound nuts. But here sometimes it gets so dry your lungs get dehydrated. Oh well, more motivation to drink water (: And least it's always one sort of weather back in SG - the t-shirt and shorts sort - and stuff those complaining we Singaporeans don't know how to dress.

I'd probably add some more soon cos my brain's just frozen now ):

And I can't believe I'm done with high school already! Went back to pick up our graduation certs, and it was so weird realising that I'd not be going back next year.

Me onstage getting the blessed diploma (: And yeah, for some reason we didn't get the gown and caps ): But my sis likes me dress - nah she just wants it.

2009-12-20T16:10:00.003+11:00

SALUTATIONS, LOVELY PEOPLE!!

I'm back - hmm, is anyone left around here? *sound of crickets chirping* Oh well, guess not. Still, doesn't take the fun outta it right? (:

My exams are over and for the past one month I have been consciously slacking around being a bum. Not very pious but yeah. And my results came out on the 14th Dec (last Monday) and I'd like to thank everyone who had to talk me out of various stages of nervous breakdown/panic/the whole hog. (and assure me that even if my results were THAT crappy and my life went down the longkang they'd all still love me:)

On the downside the proposed trip back to SG has been called off cos tickets are exorbitant and unless oil prices drop they still will be D: So my apologies until I next see you guys again (:

But I won't be counting out the possibility of vacations (: Term starts in late Feb/early March and one thing I have heard about uni is that they have insane vacation spreads. Correct me if I'm wrong?

And and...

I'M I'M GOING TO UNI PEOPLE!
*jumps around ecstatically*

In all my time here I'd never thought I'd ever make it this far. Honestly, I was pretty convinced I'd die halfway through high school. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Taylors College where I did my last year of secondary school (here they call Years 10-12/ equivalent of sec 4 - J2 high school/college) is international, so I got to meet a whole bunch of people from a myriad of backgrounds, lifestyles and beliefs and it definitely was a step out of the ordinary. And even though the cultural shock was massive at first (and still is; I haven't plucked up the courage to talk to cashiers without mumbling) I can say that I'm definitely in unfamiliar water right now. But that's life, isn't it? Right now I have to accept that it is and will be a big leap for me, but I'm determined to learn as much from it as I can.

In reflection, 2009 has been a life-changing year. It's been my first year living completely in a foreign country, with another way of life. It has also been a year of firsts - ups and downs. On the bright side, people here get lots more freedom from a young age - here we're allowed to learn how to drive when we turn 16, we get to pick out our own subjects rather than stick to combinations, and as a first I've gone to a school where there's no prescribed uniform. (LOL, it's free-dress) Kids at this age party lots too, but that hasn't really been up my alley. But the high school campus is in the city, and it was wonderful to be able to walk around lots of places - the culture is amazing; there's so much streetlife here in the CBD, not just offices and bureaucracy. The architecture is gorgeous (for once I was able to stand outside a Tiffany's building and gawp at the window display just like Holly Golightly:) and the historic atmosphere of the place is simply breathtaking. It was so convenient; just to be able to hop on a tram and go round the city on a tour. And the flea markets, and Parliament house and the Museum. And the Yarra river if you've seen my photos, it's so similar to the River back home. All the skyscrapers are visible from the riverside, it's almost like the Skyline, but I'm not saying that the two are identical, because both are breathtaking in their own unique ways.

The teachers here teach pretty differently too - we're given the chance to learn largely at our own pace, but we're expected to ask when we need help and find things out for ourselves rather than be spoon-fed all the time. It's been the first time I had to do a location study for Geography, and the first time I've actually been required to read a map. (and I still wonder why I have trouble with it since I've been studying Geog for the past 5 years?!) And the first time I had to learn to deal with a lot of things on my own - details like travelling, scheduling and school paperwork - things that would have largely been taken care of by others like teachers and my parents and even the Government back in Singapore.

On the downside, it's also been the first time I've been exposed to lots of other worries - like the basic things, like worrying whether or not I'd have a roof over my head whether we'd be able to find a suitable house cos renting here is pretty expensive. But thank goodness we'd found a suitable house to rent at the start of this year which was in a wonderful location - I can walk pretty much anywhere, to the train station or the mall or bus terminal. And debating about whether to buy textbooks cos they were so expensive. I ended up buying some second hand and taking out the CDs from my teachers and literally studying by computer (HAH!) but it also taught me an important lesson in self-discipline =.= so next year I think I'll just go buy the textbooks and save the anguish, LOL. It was also tough to fit in at school first, cos loads of the kids have been there for previous years and parachuting into a new system in the final year meant that I had to get used to the culture at school and the new syllabus and it got pretty overwhelming at times, but I'm thankful for the wonderful people, classmates, teachers and advisors alike that helped me get through the year (: This year I also experienced for the first (and last, I pray) time, a burn-out. It is a most horrible feeling, a complete numbness - I would do badly at a paper and come home but still not feel motivated to study because I was just so scared that if I tried to take another step I'd just fall in to blackness. So this year I've learnt a very important lesson to know myself and my limits, cos I just mugged throughout the year without any idea of stopping and I fell really ill a couple of times (I'd like to thank my wonderful GP for her advise on recuperation:) and it was hard to catch up from there so I guess I've got to learn how to pace myself from now on.

And.

And I have to thank one really special person :)

JOVI made it to Melbourne Uni (lucky girl!) We were in the same high school. I remember my shock when she stopped me when I was leaving a chemistry class and kind of gasped "OMG YOU'RE HERE?!" in my face. Haha, it was so wonderful having her there though we didn't get to see each other much cos she was doing the international syllabus and I was doing local curriculum. But she was kind of like a link for me, proof and memory that I also had a life back home and for the last 16 years, and that kept me grounded though I was in a totally new environment.

And of course, the few poor unfortunate souls that I called up time and time again to vent to - Des, Angie, YiCi (this amazing heck of a kid called me more than I phoned home, haha:), Theck Yee, Avie, Jack (: If it weren't for you guys and your hugs, listening ears, mature advice, slaps across the face, having my head smashed into the nearest hard surface and shoulders to cry on all the time, I swear I would have gone mad a hell of a long time ago, truth, peace, cross my heart, fingers and legs :D

I'm well concerned that being away for an entire year has meant that I've changed in some ways. I change everyday, every second - some experiences change me, some don't, and some just leave some intangible notch in my memory. I know I've changed in some ways that aren't all that desirable - for example, my eyes literally turn green now when I get jealous (very, very easily) but honestly, I can say that living oceans away from almost all I've known for the past 16 years of my life probably does that. And here I've seen things that I'd rather not have seen or experienced but truth is they're always out there and I was going to have to face up and learn to deal with them sooner or later so better sooner, get used to it than later right? I also understand that everyone else has changed and it would be completely unfair for me to begrudge you guys for that cos you live your own lives and I live my own. But I hope that no matter what all of us will still remain connected, in some way or another, just like we once were back then and still will be.

I suppose over time I've gotten immature, materialistic, overly sensitive, increasingly-shortfused, more selfish and even less disciplined. I've become more of a baby than I used to be. What I can, what I know I must, I will change. I want to go home, more than ever. And it would be unfair to claim that I want to do otherwise. But I know now that this is an opportunity for me to experience a new way of life and learn as much as I can and I want as much as possible, to embrace this. I suppose I can say that I'm more than comfortable with saying that about some things I won't give a damn (just only the finger:) and that I hope I learn to breathe. It's just that in Singapore, and here in Australia, and even overseas life is different. And I'll have to learn to adapt, wherever I am, and as much as I hope I don't lose sight of who I am, that I enjoy these experiences and learn whatever I can.

And I know that people have changed cos they will change - some more than others. I'm truly sorry if I have behaved rather over-possessively, immaturely, but right now suppose there isn't much I can do scept for let go. It's tragic, in as unmelodramatic a way as possible, but until I get my bearings back I'm really afraid I'll mess things up even further.

So that sums this up; I might come back and edit stuff if I feel like it but as of now I suppose I could take the blog off life-support and move it out of the ICU yeah? (:

2009-09-28T18:27:00.003+10:00

Watch this, you guys - this is so poignantly adorable.

2009-08-29T20:23:00.003+10:00

2009-08-22T17:47:00.002+10:00

He could hear the raucous cawing of the whores in the room upstairs; he could hear their desperation as they played the same dangerous game of seduction they danced night after night.

The tavern door was thrown open; his vision, so used to the darkness, was blinded sharply for a moment. He could discern a bulky figure stumbling out into the street, uttering a stream of colourful obscenities as he attempted to regain his balance. The door slammed shut behind him, cutting the light over the gutter, exposing the river of filth and throwing its contents into disconcertingly sharp relief. James heard the drunk utter a surprise curse concerning an unfortunate someone's mother; there was a splash and a loud groan. James felt his stomach turn at the noises and give another acidic protest of hunger.

The door was flung open once again. This time, James could make out Will's tall, lanky frame as he stepped over the worn threshold, a limp figure clad in white draped over his left shoulder. He picked his way over to the wagon; in the light it was now apparent that the drunk had fallen into the gutter and now lay there unconcious, his mouth open as if to catch the water flowing from the drains on the roof above him.

Will lay the figure in the back of the wagon before climbing into the front next to James and picking up the reins. The door to the tavern slammed shut as the wagon started in a slow crawl up the street, the poor beast in the harness scrawny from hunger and nearly faint from exhaustion.

James turned back to gaze at the figure. The woman had been dead for at least a day; James could make out the ashy pallor of her skin in the weak light emitting from dirty windows as the cart pulled along its gloomy path. He could see that the front of her gown was spattered and crusted with scarlet blood. Once again, he felt another sharp jolt of sorrow for her fate. Clenching his fist, he forced himself to turn away.

He needed the money the anatomy lab would pay, in order to finish medical school. He was so close, and it would be pointless to give up now. The devastation wrecked by the latest wave of the consumption had thrown open a lucrative opportunity for him to fulfil his dream - vital, despite how dark - especially from the countless impoverished households desperate enough to sell off the bodies of dead family members in order to feed the ones lucky enough to remain alive.

Yet he still wondered who she was. How long she had survived in such squalors before her life had expired in such evident agony. Or had the end been quick? Who had been there with her, if anyone had been? Who had been the last soul she had set her weak gaze upon before she had fallen into silence forever?

What had her life been like? Could her death have been prevented?

James knew that everyone - Will, the professors, the other students at the school with their neat, starched navy uniforms trimmed with silver velvet and adorned with ostentatious gold buttons - would tell him to swallow his grief. The woman's death would be yet another step closer to preventing other demises like hers. A worthy sacrifice. Besides, as those rare ones sensitive enough to feel the slight twinge of moral guilt would echo, the poor woman's suffering was over. She would be at peace.

But did that construe enough reason for the disgrace she would need to endure even after death? To be spliced open, dissected, observed and experimented on? And what if they made mistakes ? - he knew they always would. And then what? Another failure, a quick rebound and then on to another unfortunate soul, splice, dissect. Even if they did succeed - and it was worth all the sacrifice no matter how much - then what?

Small steps, he chided himself. They could not expect to save the world all at once.

Very ironically, that had been his dream when he'd entered medical school. He considered himself lucky - having been able to go to school, a good family with parents of learning who'd been infallible guardians and who'd nurtured him well and encouraged pursuit of his scholarly beliefs. Sure, they had not been especially rich or well-off - but he'd been able to make it this far, while he shuddered to think of the poor woman's tragic life. How old was she? The worn, haggard lines on her bony face and streaks of white in her dark, tangled curls were testament to age but he'd noticed that her physique and build was supple and lean. He knew she'd died young - perhaps even about his age.

The wagon gave another sharp jolt as its worn wheels crossed an uneven cobblestone. Will clicked his tongue, trying to soothe the horse, while James quickly checked over his shoulder to ensure that the cadaver had not fallen out of the cart. No - the figure was still there, stiff, cold. James noticed that underneath the loose white gown, the woman was nearly skin and bone; in the dim light from a second-storey window he could see that her ribs jutted against the thin muslin of her garment in a grotesque, hideous manner.

Had she been hungry? For how long?

Who was she? Who had she been?

He tried to suppress the next involuntary wave of sorrow, but he felt the tremors of grief for her fate. But, he repeated in a drolling monotone, over and over again in his head, trying to quell the surge of emotion and outrage - he needed it. They needed it. It was crucial, vital, that they could move on, especially in such dark times. There was no time for stopping, no forgiveness for faltering. No room for thought about anyone, anything else.

2009-08-15T00:12:00.003+10:00

Basically, grab your music player, put your entire library into the playlist and turn on shuffle. Then use the song titles that pop up every time you hit the next track button as answers for each of the questions below, in order. NO CHEATING!

How does the world see me?
Chevaliers de Sangreal - Hans Zimmer (The Da Vinci Code OST)

Will I have a happy life?
Pon De Replay - Rihanna

What do my friends really think of me?
Gone With the Wind - Vanessa Hudgens (Wonderful. After all, I am crazy.)

Do people secretly lust after me?
The Most Dangerous Predator - Carter Burwell (Guess that means no.)

How can I make myself happy?
Just Dance - Lady GaGa ft. Colby O'Donis (Oh, how metaphorical.)

What should I do with my life?
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes

Will I ever have children?
Bella's Lullaby - Carter Burwell (Ooh.)

What is some good advice?
Tetsujin - The Matrix Revolutions (o.O All I can remember is that Paso Doble Jeanine and Brandon did!)

How will I be remembered?
Vincent (Starry Starry Night) - Josh Groban (Wonderful, I AM nuts.)

What is my signature dancing song?
The Ball - Andrew Lloyd Weber (I'm a Jellicle. Kakaka, they have the most wonderful choreo, though.)

What do I think my current theme song is?
This Is Me - Demi Lovato (Faraday!)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
I'm Like A Bird - Nelly Furtado (Hahaha, this is so touching!)

What song will play at my funeral?
Mad - NeYo (True, especially since he dies during the storyline of the MTV.)

What type of women do you like?
One Hand, One Heart - West Side Story (This is disturbing, but compassion is such a virtue, no?)

What is my day going to be like?
Take the Lead/ Wanna Ride - Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony (Ooh, philosophical, dawg.)

What will my lovelife be like in the future?
Wuthering Heights - Kate Bush (Tragic? *Slams head into wall*)

What will my year be like?
You Make It Real - James Morrison (Well I DO like this song so.)

What kinds of movies would I be in?
Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon and Garfunkel (Cover: Charlotte Church)

If I had a musical career, what kind of music would I make?
Soldier's Poem - MUSE (?!)

What sort of scandals and nasty rumors would I be subjected to?
Nocturnal Lights Scatter - Yiruma

How would I rise to fame?
Tracking - Carter Burwell (Sounds strange, but plausible.)

What would be my main talent?
For Good (Piano Cover) - Wicked (The piano? Or am I really an angel? :)

What sort of fanbase would I have?
As Long As You're Mine - Wicked (Stalkers?!)

What is the name of the first film I starred in?
Energy - Keri Hilson (Sounds depressing.)

What sort of rich and famous lifestyle would I live?
Hometown Glory - Adele (Really depressing.)

What sort of celebrities would I date?
Ocean Waves - Flyleaf (Yeah, go drown myself already.)

What would my overall figure look like?
Irreplaceable - Beyonce (Classic.)

What is some good advice for me?
My Immortal - Evanescence (Philosophy.)

If I want to be the best person ever, what should I do instead of this quiz?
Contradanza - The Planets

Does this quiz seem far too ambiguous?
You Found Me - The Fray (Talk about it.)

2009-08-15T00:11:00.001+10:00

Hoohoo.

Here we go again.

*mentally slaps self* No... BAD Fluorine.

Gah.

I AM getting freakish, I suppose. Faraday lah.

2009-08-09T19:28:00.003+10:00

Usually about this time of the year:

I'd be having fun high-ing in red, white, stars, crescent and glitter; picking up scarlet hairties from Aries at JE MRT; looking forward to the whole battery of days off; painting my toenails red;buying Mod-style white retro earrings; finishing my math homework in anticipation of all the holidays;

scrawling notes and doodling in red gel pen on my notebooks; quarrelling about outfits for compering; asking in indignation why the next batch of comperes get to pick their own outfits; singing National Day songs arm-in-arm-swaying-right-left-right-left with my friends; trying to sing the translations in other languages without breaking into giggles; waving the flag like a mad woman; getting red eyes from late nights;

picking out scarlet gloss at the drugstore; heading out to town, then running back before the crowds hit; ordering pizza/food from the Bt Timah food centre through Father over the phone; stocking up on soft drinks, junk food and the like; covering my ears and squinting at the F-16 formations while standing at the balcony window;

cheering as the parachuters land; screaming as the fireworks explode across the sky; listening to the boom of the dynamite over the forest; feeling proud that you've grown one more year and loving you more than ever.

Happy Birthday, Singapore.

2009-08-08T13:03:00.008+10:00

The other day in Geog class...

Isn't that simply gorgeous??!

I immediately started squealing like an idiot (like I usually do when I get excited) and F turned over and asked me what the matter was (a tad irritated, I must add, with good reason). I pointed to the window.

At once, she made A pull the blinds up so we could all snap pics. The colours were so striking, I've never seen anything that brilliant ever!

This looks so "Warwick Avenue" - with all the gloomy rooftops below, haha.

My attempt at a desktop wallpaper. By now the rainbow had faded a bit but still beautiful, no?

My desk, in a perpetual state of disarray. That's Sir Thomas More in AMFAS, with my study guide behind. My book is entirely Post-It-ed now, and covered in scribblings trying to decipher Cromwell's speeches, agh, I hate the sick, manipulative bastard, and all his complicated allegories. Here *throws book to Arthur* you're the expert.

Full view of the chaos. That's the few books I can fit onto my desk now, I miss my shelves! And hole puncher, and the mug that Tinkerbell gave me; used as a pencil holder. And study buddies, and that ball of yarn is for knitting. Plus my green tea, which I need to stay awake.

Vanity table.

Close up of table and stationery.

Wall stuff - organic chem flowcharts; Australian Ballet postcard, exam timetables and one heck of a long library loan list.

Table as snapped this morning, with economics text, notes and binder. Look at my knitting (the purple one) I must be really desperate. Or very, very stressed.

On Formal Day we got the last 2 lines cut so I got 2 hours to myself. So I decided to go wander about Flinders.

This really reminds me of Singapore. Look at that cafe (that boat on the river), I'd totally go there if it weren't so exorbitant!

This bridge reminds me of the one in Potter Number 6, hahaha!

Nah, in real life I guess theirs is a hell-lot longer.

Artistic shot. On this bridge, there are glass panels detailing immigration from each country and the reasons why they came. Reminds me of pre-war SG, hehe.

Found this - pretty! Pity 'bout the graffiti though.

Arthur made a request for lots of romantic shots of winter trees.

OK, now I have to go decorate/obsessive-compulsively fuss about my room and tidy up the computer table. So much for no homework, agh. Housewarming at my cousin's tonight - yummy dinner coming up, ahahaha(:

2009-07-25T12:30:00.001+10:00

If I don't get in I think I just might die.

2009-07-08T10:30:00.000+10:00

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little."

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

2009-07-04T17:53:00.002+10:00

Happy 200th Post!!

And we're gonna celebrate with...

.

.

.

.

.

QUIZ!!

OK, totally lame I know, but it's the holidays and Facebook is getting to me ):
I swear I'm really going bimbotic. SAVE ME TRIG FUNCTIONS!!! BTW here in Trig it's just sin X, cos X, tan X...

.

.

.

.

.

...and that's it! No cot, cosec, or sec?! Man where's the fun all gone?! Yeah I know I sound sadistic all right, thanks, Arthur (:

Well, here goes!

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My face.

2. What colour is your favourite hoodie?
Dark blue.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Sure, mama.

4. Do you plan outfits?
Yes, being the typical OCD nut that I am, not that it helps, of course.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
I'm gonna freeze tomorrow while simultaneously concussing myself - skiing trip.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
The browser border? And my hair elastic.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having.
Running around in a dark room, getting strangled? Boy, am I wierd or what.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
The clerk at the chemist's who very nicely sold me two boxes of aspirin for $10 instead of $10.10.

9. What are you craving right now?
Potato chips. And a pot of chamomile tea.

10. Do you floss daily?
No, being as clumsy as I am I would find more imaginative ways to cut my gums ):

11.What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
*Runs to the piano and plays C-A-B-B-A-G-E*

12. Are you emotional?
Am I? *looks around, bewildered*

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Yeah, ONE THOUSAND! *Thunder crashes outside*

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick?
Lick it, I guess? Can't bite into cold stuff, my teeth hurt ;(

15. Do you like your hair?
If it looked like Chyler Leigh (Dr. Lexie Grey)'s on Grey's Anatomy maybe I wouldn't. Then again, I'm pretty fine with it.

16. Do you like yourself?
Yeah. At times, no, not really.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Sure. Never miss a chance to rib out a Republican :)

18. What are you listening to right now?
The hum of my sis's lappie and hoping ferverishly that nothing's wrong with the blessed machine.

19. Are your parents strict?
Pretty conservative, but with good reasoning.

20. Would you go sky diving?
HELL YEAH! Provided, of course, that I have got some basic training so that I know what's going on, my instructor/partner is well trained, and the parachute is infallible.
Then again, maybe. Hehe.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Rather bland, I think.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yeap.

23. Do you rent movies often?
No.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Glittery sticker on my sister's laptop. (To dissuade thieves)

25. How many countries have you visited?
Lemme count. *counts over in head muttering to self* Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Aussie (keke), NZ... does Ubin count?

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
No. Waste of time, money and free call time.

27. Ever been on a train?
Everyday.

28. Brown or white egg?
Hm. Beige in colour. White's the duck eggs right?

29.Do you have a cell/mobile phone?
Yeah, but you ain't gettin' no numbers.

30. Do you use chopsticks?
Yes, and am hopeless. Can't hold the blessed things properly. But they make pretty good hairsticks.

31. Do you own a gun?
Uhhuh. Beretta 92. I wish. *evil laughter*

32. Can you use chopsticks?
See number 30. As I have said, in my hair. TBH, they don't really hold THAT well... they do if your hair is longer and thinner. My hair's not Rapunzel-length yet so yeah, have gone back to bobby pins for the moment. RMB Sri from ballet school used to use pencils or sth.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My sis's lappie, a good movie and my knitting.

34. Are you too forgiving?
Wish I were.

35. Ever been in love?
*Blinks innocently*

36. What is/are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Mugging. *nod nod*

37. Ever had cream puffs?
Yes, they were delicious. Unless you are implying a double entrende, to which in reply I would offer colourful vocabulary, between cursing someone's pet dog and chicken farm, with some choice four-lettered inclusions.

38. Last time you cried?
Can't remember. Maybe while watching Grey's Anatomy last week.

39. What was the last question you asked?
Why am I even doing this? (Answer: Oh yes, I'm supposed to be bored.)

40. Favourite time of the year?
The holidays! Preferably those at the end of the year.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
An airbrushed black swan on the back of my right shoulder.

42. Are you sarcastic?
Always, to disastorous consequences.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Some horror film? Nah-uh.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
Not exactly, more like a doorframe. In the pitch darkness. Stop laughing already.

45. Favourite color?
Midnight blue.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
I think. Agh, forgive my violent clone, she needs disciplining. *slaps*

47. Is your hair curly?
Partially wavy.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Hayley Westenra - Celtic Treasure.

49. Do looks matter?
Yes, but they're not all that counts.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Wish I could. Why?

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
According to dear Maman, oui.

52. Do you like your life right now?
Not exactly, no.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Yes, and for that I get soundly thrashed by Maman.

54. Can you handle the truth?
Depends.

55. Do you have good vision?
No. Agh.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yeah, though I know violence breeds violence. *sigh*

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Nearly everyday.

58. The last person you held hands with?
My mum?

59. What are you wearing?
Black slacks, pink "Heart Goldfish" baby tee and dark blue jacket.

60.What is your favourite animal?
Dolphins, cats, horses and butterflies.

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
A spaghetti restaurant at IMM, shortly before prelim 1 last year, at lunch with the Covalent compound and Metals.

62. Can you hula hoop?
Yeah, fun!

63. Do you have a job?
Maman wishes I did, I do too.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
One box of Advil and one box of Neurofen, at the chemist's. Funny thing was that both cost $10.10 together, then I realized I only had $10 and the clerk decided to give me a 10-cent discount (:

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Once, I think. At ballet school or sth.

Random effects.

2009-06-24T21:01:00.002+10:00

KK, I'd posted this on FB a real long time ago, but then as many of you would probably have realized by now I get more random with time so yeah I had to update this.

PPS I took out the sentimental ones, cos this post is for comic effect. Plus missing you guys is way more serious than just a random occurrence(:

1. My name is Ruiting. Apparently people have a hard time pronouncing it.

2. I love baby kai-lan.

3. I talk to inanimate objects, especially my stationery.

4. I hate bright lights.

5. I love playing with paper that has been freshly printed on. Like the scent of the ink.

6. When I was little, I loved vegetables - I ate veggies half the time, way more than meat. Thankfully I reckon that trend's reversed quite a bit.

7. I can't detect my mobile phone ringing half the time.

8. My legs are naturally turned out in my hip socket. This means that I can rotate my feet so that they are in a 180-degree straight line, without losing my balance. This also means that half the time I walk like a duck, hence the nickname (also due to the fact that I can't jump).

9. I can't predict traffic lights (THANK YOU JACKIE)

10. Have an annoyingly bad habit of writing too much, and forgetting too fast. One of the key reasons why I always lag behind time in science and maths is that I can do one calculation, then forget where I was or get worried and redo it again, dammit. For the writing bit, just go ask any Humanities/Language teacher who taught me in secondary school (:

11. I love power-walking, but I hate climbing staircases (Yeah, I love school all right)

12. If I had to do a sport, I'd probably be running. I know I'd suck at it, but having being surrounded by a bunch of cross-country hardcores does things to you.

13. Half the time when I'm typing on MS Word/Powerpoint I end up relying on Spellcheck to correct all my mistakes (which I make 75% of the time)

14. I love vitamin C, and citric acid, and anything citrus. Maybe except lemon-scented dishwasher. I eat vitamin C tablets half the time, kaka.

15. I have very chronic stage-fright.

16. I'm writing in my head half the time. It's a thin line between being an aspiring writer and a schizophrenic.

17. I want my eyelashes to grow longer, so they look like Baby Panda's (:

18. Swatching eyeshadow and lipstick in drugstores and looking at MAC eyeshadows makes me happy (yeah I'm going bimbo straight.)

19. I have horrible hand-eye co-ordination, ever since that fateful day a volley ball smacked me in the face, shattering my spectacle lenses.

20. I can take apart staples by hand. In the past whenever I recieved test papers or assignments that needed flipping the first thing I'd do was to take the paper apart with my fingers so it would be easy to flip, then tack them back together at the end of the exam. Way easier to take staples apart by hand than with that thingy at the back of the stapler.

21. Having said that I think that's why nail polish and I aren't destined to find peace. That and the fact that I'll probably never be able to muster enough patience to sit still for 3 hours to let the polish dry properly and THEN top coat it. And I am the antithesis of ambidextrous - I can't even hold the brush steady with my left hand to paint the nails on my right hand, dammit!

22. Cleanliness freak.

23. I'm full of random stuff most of the time, but at 10 pm and lethargic, it's a different story altogether.

24. I'm still waiting for the few years to pass quickly. I want a simple, fulfilling, purposeful life. It ain't too much to ask for, right?

25. I'll probably update this when the random mood strikes again, I get a kick outta it (:

2009-06-03T17:48:00.002+10:00

SCREW YOU FUCKING VAMP.

I KNOW YOUR BLOODY LIFE IS PERFECT AND YOU GET TO LIVE SO CLOSE TO SCHOOL THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAKE UP A GODDAMN 2 FREAKING HOURS EARLIER TO TAKE A CROWDED TRAIN AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUNDLE YOURSELF UP LIKE A BLOOMING DUMPLING SO YOU DON'T FREEZE AND YOU GET ENOUGH MONEY TO GET WHATEVER YOU BLOODY HELL WANT AND YOU HAVEN'T GOT ENOUGH BRAINS TO FILL A BLOODY CHAMPAGNE FLUTE AND YOU'VE GOT HALF THE PEOPLE IN THIS FUCKING HELLHOLE ON THEIR KNEES WORSHIPPING YOU AND YOU GET OUT OF GLITCHES INSTANTLY BY BEING ALL INNOCENT AND ANGELIC AND POLISHING APPLES AND YOU CHANGE FACES SO MUCH AND YOU'RE AN EXPERT AT GETTING WHATEVER YOU WANT AND YOU LIVE SUCH A FUCKING COOL LIFE AND BLAH BLAH BLAH AND THAT'S IT.

BUT I THINK YOU'VE TAKEN IT TOO FAR.

YOU DON'T COPY SOMEONE ELSE'S HARD WORK AND PASS IT OFF AS YOUR OWN. HAVE THE FREAKING GUTS TO GET UP AND PICK UP A PENCIL INSTEAD OF JUST USING STUFF THAT'S NOT YOUR OWN.

YOU DON'T BAT YOUR EYES AT PEOPLE AND GET AWAY WITH BEING THE MOST VICIOUS BITCH IN THE UNIVERSE JUST COS YOU WERE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE BORN WITH WINGS AND A FUCKING HALO.

I SIMPLY DON'T GET WHY SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SO EVIL, YET SO BLOODY SMART.

I KNOW IT'S UNFAIR TO BLAME SOMEONE WITH WHAT THEY'RE BORN WITH.

BUT IT JUST ISN'T FUCKING FAIR.
- Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

I think I've had it. This is about as far as I can go. Life does kind of suck, but I guess that's the way it is.

2009-05-17T00:05:00.002+10:00

And this I also had to post, kaka. Couldn't believe I'd found this!

And this too!!

2009-05-16T23:21:00.002+10:00

I was wondering when this would get posted!! OMFG THIS IS SO GOOD. I've been raving about this for ages and ages and now it's finally up!!

2009-05-09T17:55:00.002+10:00

GAH STUPID FEVER!!

Plus Fish and S. Little and Mushroom said the coursework was killer. Damn it, damn, damn, damn. But also probably means the odds of not having to buy lunch are in my favour, so good luck to Fish, keke.

Fieldwork on Wednesday. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ELMO REMIND ME TO TELL MRS S if not she'll bite my head off. And I should probably go ask about the job at Gloria Jean's - please let it still be there!

Well.

MY FIRST GREEN-CARDED DAY!

Well apparently my vanishing acts don't go unnoticed in a place where my mum has to pay a 4-figured sum per term for me to study. Dammit. And thank you to my dear Mother Teresa for actually noticing that I wasn't around on Friday, gahaha.

SPEC TEST NEXT WEEK.

And fuck all you asses who told me to go to Harvard Medical as a HIV case-study.

2009-05-06T23:45:00.000+10:00

2009-05-06T23:44:00.000+10:00

2009-04-25T23:01:00.009+10:00

So what's in the bag? (:

Bag of a full-time O Level student; Commonwealth Secondary School
Class of 2008

1. Jacket. For rainy days and monsoon season, or cinemas with freezing air-conditioners. With a hood is good, cos I keep forgetting to bring out umbrellas.

2. Chemistry TYS Full Papers , with answer key (CSS 08 TEACHER'S EDITION). NEVER TRUST A TYS ANSWER KEY FROM THE PUBLISHERS.

3. Wallet. I love long purses; look damn classy holding that wearing an ordinary school uniform. Plus me love black. Goes with anything. This one was from my mother, so yeah (:

4. Writing Pad (preferably colourless) Buy the 5-pack variety with the side tear-out from Popular.

5. 2 scientific calculators. Always buy in pairs. There was once during a Chem prac when mine broke down and the examiner was staring at me whacking the blessed machine against my palm for 5 minutes before the font appeared again. Agh.

6. Thick paperbacks. Jane Eyre- 16th birthday present from Monkey; Rhinoceros - I owe Monkey, kaka - always have one with you to stave off boredom or just in case you forget to pack a book for assembly.

7. Notebook. Get one at Popular for around $4 - always have one for homework or all sorts of random stuff and drawings detailing your slide into insanity:) Carbide and Chloride loved reading it randomly.

8. Chem Packs A-G. Why sleep when you can have lots more fun slaving over them at night?

9. Muji marker case (comes with 5 detachable baby colour markers; but used to keep my handphone. I love Muji stuff - expensive but durable plus cool)

10. Coloured baby paperclips. I don't really like staples; cos they make flipping through assignments a PITA - note - upon recieving stapled exam papers, take them apart as it's way easier than flipping, and always keep a stapler to tack them back afterward. Plus coloured paper clips don't rust-stain your work. And they look pretty too, kekeke. My filed notes are all creased towards the top left-hand corner cos of the paper clips piling up, haha.

11. Bag. The bigger, the spacier, the better. I really lost count of how many bags I totally destroyed over the year, but this one was from my mother.

12. Post-its. Always have a steady supply and of different varieties - slim page markers and heavy-duty page sized ones. And don't forget all the plastic page flags (:

13. Filing rings, to prevent my notes from tearing out of the binders.

14. Pencil case. With lots of coloured markers and pens and the like. During O Levels and Prelims buy one of those gigantic heavy-duty plastic carriers from Popular (the type with the zips) and chuck everything - your writing stuff, mints, math set, flexicurve, CIRCLE TEMPLATE (READ: IMPORTANT) watch and yada in and it saves a lot of time and effort. Just grab that, your 2 long rulers, identity stuff and water bottle and get the hell in the hall already. Plus the invigilators can't suspect you for smuggling stuff in (of course, unless you're daft enough to even try:)

15. Combs. 2 to be secure. To comb your hair in the bathroom and get scolded by the Principal when she comes and checks the place, keke. Hopefully the new one isn't as ridiculous.

16. Elmo. Lucky Mascot. Always have a variety.

17. Vaseline Advanced Formula Lipbalm. I have a horrible habit of chewing my lips to shreds, so this helps once the skin dries out and hurts like hell, especially after a hell lot of stressful studying in the library. But Blistex (the red packaging) is better for soothing painful scabs, though its a bit more ex, but it works like a dream.

18. (Not included above, but just as important) Flexicurve, protractors, 2 long plastic rulers, (DO NOT USE THE METAL VARIETY; I HAD HOLES TORN IN MY BAGS FOR THAT) and CIRCLE TEMPLATE. Note: The last one is extremely important for drawing shell-structures and Venn diagrams and magnetic fields. So whatever you do DO NOT leave it out! And to save money (and possibly space) money-pool and buy one and break it in two and share with someone (I remember breaking mine and sharing it with Chlorine; she was so touched, keke) If not fold both halves into your pencil case and move it.

I read Zinc's note and tribute to Commonwealth, and it made me more homesick. I guess this is a complement - compiling a batch of stuff to make a tribute. Thought it would be fun to have the "WHAT'S IN HER BAG??" section. But it's gonna take quite some time, especially with Mid-Terms coming up and all.

TBH I'm not really upset by the comments. Rather I'm kinda perplexed.

Oh well. Can't stop people from feeling jealous right?

Still.

AND FOR THANKING YOU PEOPLE, kakaka.

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!

What's in her bag? (High-schooler edition)

1. Tote. Black BUM Equipment on indefinite loan from Nugget 2.

2. Diary. Always keep it with you, it has everything you need to know to survive, from campus operation hours to lasagna reciepes. And especially if you're too poor to afford a fancy notebook (one more thing I miss about SG)

3. Graphic Calculator (Ti 84+) for Methods. When the teacher told me I had to get one I seriously considered dropping into Further, but then I found out there they also needed one, dammit. Costs about $165 +/-. Blessed machine is a bit more complicated than the normal one. But need it to get exponential graphs right (yea my IQ is declining, thanks)

4. Normal scientific calculator for Chemistry and Economics, cos we're not allowed to bring the big guy in for such stuff (stuff can be programmed into the memory)

5. Water bottle. Yeah I know I ain't saving the Earth, but the big ones are a PITA to lug around, and bad for me shoulders.

6. Fly Away Peter, for English class. (Spell B-O-R-I-N-G A-S H-E-L-L) Blessed book cost me $25. Ouch.

7. Muji cell phone case. (Previously used for markers)

8. Pencil case. Much slimmer here cos I kept most of the coloured stuff at home. And people still claim they hear noises coming outta the thing :O

9. Eclipse mints. To stay awake in class. And for morning much-needed sugar-highs.

10. Purse. Much smaller here too, I miss my black one!

11. Comb. When you have no uniforms bad hair days don't go unpassed so easily.

12. ID and lanyard. No this, no school.

13. Random exercise book.

14. Nivea clear gloss and lip balm. Saviour in winter.

15. Extra comb. Yeah you know how I am (:

16. Pencil case mascots. Great convo starters ("Hey you watch Naruto?"; "Uh, no, close friend gave it to me - um, who is she?"; "Oh, Sakura."; "She's really strong right?" and you know the works.)

Dedicated to Zinc, the brave fellow who made that honorable tribute. You rock on, Brother (:

And shut up, you self-pitying whiners.

2009-04-20T20:07:00.001+10:00

2009-04-17T23:44:00.001+10:00

Hey:

clockworkballerina@live.com

I'll be staying with yuna for a while longer, but then maybe I'll have to move on.

I might come back, from time to time. But I'll never be gone.

Love,
Ruiting (:

2009-04-10T18:39:00.004+10:00

Blogger is making it an entire pain in the posterior to try and post photographs. Might consider switching to xanga/livejournal soon. If not, bad luck, I guess. More tiny photos.

Desk and all my study-buddies(:

Construction projects by the Stadium. Nick and Clara actually tried climbing into one of these. Nick reported that they couldn't find a toilet.

The youngest model to ever star in an Ikea budget folding chair-ad.

EASTER BUNNY!

Hahaha. Duck in Geography class. I swear one of you drew it. If not it was really coincidental I chose to sit there that day.

My photomontage, above the dresser. FOR YOU LEELING!!

Yeah I miss you guys ):

Graffiti at Holmesglen. Yeah I don't like GST much either.

Heart-shaped Smartie.

Mother Theresa.

Red sun in the morning. Really early. I shudder to think of what godforsaken early hour I shot this from the train.

JOEY. My oversized Easter egg from Clarissa. Morning sugar-high.

AGH my blessed camera reso sucks big time. (OKOK PRETEND I DIDN'T SAY THAT DEAR PHONE! DON'T BREAK DOWN ON ME PLEEEASE!!) The first storm to hit Lonsdale, from the library. I swear the sky was really, really dark, in 3 minutes. I came back from Mel C (sky just starting to get cloudy), went upstairs to level 7 (sky still a bit cloudy) and then went to the library and POOF! I was like, ZOMG I HAVE TO SIT NEXT TO A WINDOW.

Lonsdale in a storm. From here I could see the water rushing down in front of all the emporiums and bars. But my camera doesn't make it look so serious.

And as quoting from my dear Math teacher "I don't care if a tsunami comes up Lonsdale street. We can look down and go "Oh, the poor people on level 2 who drowned!" "

And hell I just realised the library was on level 2.

My Easter-egg haul. (Day 2; day 1 eaten)

Slightly clearer (I think).

Yeah this one just for the cuteness.

Attack of the Easter Duckies! (Me so cute:)

Wakakaka.

And of course, to round things up, Clara darling would like to say hi. In a beanie from the Caribbean Market (the lady was having loads of fun trying to model her in as many hats as possible - she knows a lot about advertising I guess) and my newly-purchased Wayfarers (economical edition, heh)

That's all for now. Have fun (:

And sorry for all the whining. I just couldn't help it.

Bottomline: I miss you guys like mad, K? I totally can't wait to go back. I actually miss my school uniform. The other day I was whining to my sis "I NEVER DID GET TO WEAR A JC UNIFORM WITH THE PENCIL SKIRT YOU CAN SHORTEN LIKE 15 CM ABOVE THE TOP OF YOUR KNEECAP!!"

ZOMG. Yeah I sound like a tart. OK. Bye for now (:

2009-04-09T18:23:00.000+10:00

I know.

Don't tell me I'm an entirely spoilt, wannabe, immature, ungrateful, hypersensitive heckuva bitch.

Yeah, you just did.

Guess I'll shut up.

Happy? Now?

Not?

2009-04-08T19:51:00.002+10:00

You know what?

I'm sick of playing second fiddle. It's not like I've never had my chance in the limelight or I've never been looked up to, it's just that I've had enough of being trampled all over. I've been loved and have loved in return. I will always treasure that.

So it would be civil to realise that I will turn violent when you want to take it from me.

I've had it with opening my heart and trusting and having people walk all over me.

I've had it of you telling the whole wide world how wonderful your life is when my life isn't as great off. I know it's only fair perhaps - I've always had the better life, the one with the sparkles and golden gilt of perfection. So I don't know why I never want to lose it. And I love you, but if I lose it all to you I swear I will do everything in my power to take it back. Or if not destroy it all.

I've had it with you coming up and telling me that I've changed, that I've become such a different person from who I once was. Know what? You think I wanted to let her die, let her fade away and become this totally different doppelganger? I say fuck you if you think I'm throwing away all vestiges of the life I once had. The life I loved.

I've had it with you trying to pull me back into that mad hell my life once was. Enough already, trying to tell me that my life ain't worth living. Trust me, I never wanted to leave you behind. I am forever indebted to you and how you were there for me but I wanted my life to get better, and you didn't care if yours ever would. And you didn't care if mine would get better. You never wanted me to get better. It wasn't going anywhere. And when you threatened those I love that was the final straw. I had to stop you from taking over my life. And the worst thing was that you didn't care. Not anymore.

I don't know why when I saw those photographs, all those photographs - only of you, it all just broke loose again. I thought I had it all under control, I thought I could deal with it. I'm just horribly devastated by how wrong I was.

Honestly I don't know where this is heading.

Yeah, my life sucks.

Oh, help me. Please. Someone, please, please.

Help me.

The tears don't flow, they never will dry.

I'm drowning inside.

2009-03-31T22:59:00.002+11:00

ZOMGDFG.

FRANCIUM I AM SO SORRY.

For calling you during band hours): and risking you getting your cell phone confiscated. At first I was like, wow, they have band at 7? Then the Singaporean bit kicked in and went YEAH BABY EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE GROWING LETHARGIC AN OCEAN AWAY LIFE GOES ON NUTS LIKE IT ALWAYS GOES ON WHACK IN SUNNY STRESS LAND. Zoh I miss Singapore's crazy CCA hours.

And next...

*bounces around and chatters to stationery in excitement*

HAPPY (EARLY) 17th FRANCIUM!

It's so not fair that you get to turn 17 sooooo much earlier than me. Then again you can't blame the baby it's just bad timing (: CONGRATULATIONS! It's been wonderful knowing you all these years. I only wish I were there with all the others to celebrate. ZOMG I'M GETTING NOSTALGIC. And and one day I will finally bake an ice-cream cake and throw it in your face. Nah. OK, lame attempt at April Fools' joke.

And sorry for calling at a damnedly inappropriate time again. I seem to have a knack for that. Knack for disaster. Heh.

Wierd. OK I'm tired. And I have to finish my essay and think of a practical joke to send the birthday boy. Unlucky as you are to be born on the official Day of Practical Jokes. NVM. LUCKY, I suppose, cos its a day filled with laughter when we learn to let go.

*evil grin*

2009-03-30T22:26:00.003+11:00

THIS IS AMAZING!!!
Hydrogen, titanium are you watching this?!?!?!?!?!?!

2009-03-30T17:27:00.001+11:00

Hey, hey, look at it this way.

AGH. One more Economics SAC screwed up and done with.

I can kiss my perfect study score goodbye and watch it grow wings and fly out the window, then plunge myself after it.

Dum dum dee-dum, dum dum, dee-dum-dum.

And I have the mother of all migranes.

And the roses have started blooming (:

2009-03-21T19:13:00.000+11:00

It's the oven. It's the fucking oven.

For fuck's sake, turn the goddamned fucking thing off.

And stop telling me how to think.

2009-03-08T13:30:00.008+11:00

Melbourne Central from the room next to Economics.

Westgate Bridge. My aunt's driving.

Stadium Circuit, Mulgrave. Across the road from my uncle's house.

Theatre in Collins St. They were showing "Wicked" the time I got lost looking for Swanston and ended up here. This place is full of major designer emporiums, so I just spent an hour walking up and down both sides of the street lesiurely and gazing enviously through the windows when I was supposed to be looking for a second-hand English text.

My dear cousins getting up to mischief (:

What I do when I'm in a bad mood - indulge in chick-flic, chick-flic and more chic-flic. Shades are my Portmans, gift from my aunt (:

More mischief from Nickie dearest (Part 2)

Lions waiting for the lift.

Lion dance in the level 8 lobby. On CNY they sent the lions up and around all the floors of the campus; so hiding away outside the staffroom instead of going to common room on the ground floor in a bid to get some quiet didn't work. Dear creatures actually sashayed into every single classroom, even the practical labs on level 9 (could hear the techs screaming for them to get out before they upset the standards, lol) to spread some festive cheer. On the damper side, they moved too darn fast; this is probably the only pic I have that isn't remotely smudged too badly.

Nickie and Clara.

Westgate Bridge panorama from Science Museum.

Clara, the Ooogways and Green Bean.
(Go ahead; she loves being cooed at and called "cutie")

Girl With a Pearl Earring. On the sidewalk. Chalk street art along the Yarra, outside Crown. I tell you these guys are amazing.

My bed. I changed the sheets and cover; the flowers are still there on the quilt, but the spread is now barley-white and the sheet is dark purple. And the pillow-cases are lilac and black (randomly found in the linen store) And yes, that's Trinity (:

More Stadium Circuit, with the housing projects and costruction. Can you imagine strolling out to the balcony and watching AFL for free? Nah, they stopped long ago. They still train here sometimes, but this place is mostly recreational and historic.

In all its full glory, for all you sports nuts. Eat your hearts out (:

For all you people who have bothered and begged for updates - voila! It took me a goddamned long while to set everything up and post, but I suppose most of you guys are now settling in nicely and have morphed into muggers or Western playboy-wannabes and are simply too busy to bother me now but what the heck. Now I shall go back to sleep before I oversleep and miss the 7.45 AM tomorrow.

Shall post more next time. Until then (:

2009-02-07T11:25:00.002+11:00

Temperature's gone back up again (and on the weekend too, DAMN) so we're going to hide in the library and the shopping mall with my econs and math homework. How ever I am going to write an essay on relative scarcity I have no idea.

HAPPY NOW MONKEY?

OK. Post done.

Ah well.

Let's hope you're willing enough to get what I mean.

praline-nuit.blogspot.com

2009-01-23T11:44:00.008+11:00

January 22.

Happy Birthday, evil clone (:

I've taken on Huilin's wonderful idea and created myself an alter-ego. I ain't telling you where she lives, but I'll let you know soon. She's up and going - and don't try googling my name; she has one of her own. Happy guessing.

I'd also like to announce that:

I'll only be online/blogging from AUS ST 0230 hrs - 1200 hrs (SG ST 1130 - 0900 hrs) which is a heck of a wierd time length; but apparently downloads here during that time span are UNLIMITED (MAN I MISS SG ALREADY!!!) and beyond that gap it's strictly for my uncle's work only.

AND AND...

I know I've been slow, but here we go!

PHOTOGRAPHS! (ONE AT A TIME - sorry, I think Blogger's photo uploader has something against me)

Kew City Centre

Kew is my kind of a place - all the houses and buildings in this area are all historic and Victorian! And this place is home to some of the poshest schools in the state, one of which, is Scotch College, the school that my dear cousin will probably be going to on a partial scholarship next year.

Everyone here's quite smart, and this place is VERY cosmopolitan; 3 out of 5 people you meet on the street are Asians, and 2 out of the 3 are Chinese (:

And on the other hand, we walked into a Jap restaurant only to overhear the kitchen hands gabbling away in Hokkien. Culture melting pot indeed, most ironically.

And I can learn to drive already! I'm within the legal age - but my uncle won't let me anywhere near the BMW, and the 4-Wheeler is too big. So I'll have to wait for my dad. But that means I can start dreaming about Mercedes S-55 AMG again. *sighs*

I remember the day the Minister for Education came down to preview the Commonwealth campus, and Monkey and I saw the royal car. I was like squeaking "OMG OMG! MERC S-CLASS!" and Monkey was staring at me in bewilderment.

So COME ON AND VISIT ME LAH!! I want to go on the Geelong train line soon - go to the beach (AGAIN) and honestly the tanning here is really good - I can see the streaks on my feet where my flipflop straps were - yep it's that good.

And Fr and Zn, I'm holding the 2 of you to your promise horh.

And and Meerkat might be coming over to visit at the end of this year! I hope Donkey-Turtle can join in the convoy - it will be a miracle if Mad Doll manages to come along, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll be able to smuggle herself into the cargo hold unnoticed (: I keep having images of her hiding herself in check-in luggages and sneaking on board pretending to be an oversized potted plant. I hope that cheered you up honey - chin up and hope for the best, k?

I miss everyone at home like crazy - so I hope we can keep in touch. Come visit soon - and my cousins will be all over you (don't worry, they're really very adorable, and they don't bite unless you approach them with a piano scale book or a jar of chocolate chip cookies XD) - and I'll post up more pics hopefully more regularly - the next one will probably be the STADIUM. (HINT HINT HINT TO ALL THE SPORTS-CRAZY TORTOISES OUT THERE; YOU'LL THRIVE HERE - THESE PEOPLE ARE SPORTS NUTS!)

OK, lunch time. And download up(:

2009-01-14T22:44:00.002+11:00

At the end of the day, I'm happy.

Actually, I'm still in the middle of disbelief.

English - A1
Chinese - A1 (M)
Chemistry - A2
Physics - A2 (?!)
A Maths - A2
E Maths - A1
Combined Humanities - A1
Geography - A1
Economics - A2
L1R5 - 7
With the CCA bonus - 5

Ah well. I'm still wondering how the A got in front of Physics.

But I guess I shouldn't wonder too much. If not it may well sprout wings and disappear through the window.

All the same, my gratitude must go to my wonderful teachers, who stuck with me through diva tantrums, nervous breakdowns and post-caffeine hyperactivity. You are some of the awesomest, most dedicated, passionate, committed group of people whom I've ever had the honour to meet and it has been a great honour to have been under your tutelage and mentorship these two years.

To my class, 3/3 07 and 4/3 o8 - well, it was a rough ride, but we got there, netherless. Thank you for bearing with me through ups and downs, anticlines and synclines (even with me chanting that on the bus every time 176 hurtles down the slope outside the JE library). Thank you for your comradeship, your joy, passion and neverending faith. For accepting me, for caring for me like a sister, daughter, pet (HAHA PT!) and an individual whose opinion is respected, considered and treasured. I love you guys, and I always will.

To the alkaline metals - It has been an honour to know you guys and to be able to sit with you. The debates, the arguments (explosive zone - add 2 Grp 1 metals, 1 Grp 2 metal and the most reactive Grp 7 halogen), all the way to the complaints, breakdowns and friendly chatter have been some of my most greatly treasured memories for my time in CSS. I wish you guys all the best. I'm glad to have got to know you better. I am forever indebted for your comradeship.

To Arthur and Dashiell - Truly, I am eternally indebted to you two. Thank you for your opinions, your enlightment and your willingness to follow me through thick and thin and consider me part of this comradeship.

To my COMPOUND - OI IF YOU LOT EVER FORGET ME I SWEAR I WILL HUNT EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU DOWN AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL PROBABLY DO NEXT. I'm glad this all turned out wonderfully, with us all acing the papers. The past two years have been memories too trasured and too wonderful to ever describe tangibly. So I wish you guys all the best. You've been some of the best friends I've ever known. So thank you for sticking with me through laughter, tears, celebration, grief, sorrow and joy. Thank you for insisting each time I wanted to give up, that I would make it through.

DES AND JACK - Honestly. There are no words to describe this. So I hope you'll know that I love you both to bits and I always will.

MAD DOLL - OI. You still don't know arh? Ok. MERH!!!

SO......

Shall post pictures soon if I can. Need to locate the USB first (: I LIVE SMACK NEXT TO A STADIUM! AND IT'S EFFING HUGE! And I need to go to sleep now; it's almost midnight here.

So all my love, and have fun (:

2009-01-14T22:43:00.001+11:00

Oh well.

Here we go again.

2009-01-11T23:34:00.000+11:00

Know what?

I'm still hyperventilating.

Know what?

Yeah.

It probably IS too late to do anything about it.

You know what?

I'm just terrified it'll actually come true.

2009-01-11T23:17:00.005+11:00

I kind of hate you
thought it isn't exactly your fault
yeah, maybe I should've been
stronger, sturdier, more discerning

But sorry
you didn't care
you hit out
and crippled me when I couldn't
take the blow
and you knew that very well
and I know that I should've been
stronger, sturdier, more discerning
but apparently I wasn't
enough
so I fell and
never got up again

And now everything's lost
and you sigh in contempt and condenscation
and sigh that it was entirely my fault that
this glory evaded me
and I lost it all
and maybe I should've been
stronger, sturdier, more discerning
but apparently
too little, too late
and I cried too soon
and gave up

But I would never have
had a reason to wail in despair
if you hadn't walked out when I admitted
my fault, that I apologised
for not being perfect enough
for the one time I had to be
for the one of so many
all of which I'd lost count of so long ago
because I was too tired
to burned out to keep counting
I meant to be perfect
so I failed
and then you turned away
scorned
mocked
condemned

And afterward said on the eve of battle
that I should've been
stronger, sturdier, more discerning
and once more before I said goodbye
and though it was
one
long
day
it stayed with me forever
your voice that said
I should've been
stronger, sturdier, more discerning
haunts me now and even so long after
and I realise
that I've been haunting myself
and your fury made me
hate myself
and now I know
I should've been
stronger, sturdier, more discerning
and hammered your words
out of my head
but too little, and far too late

Because now when I try
the blade cuts into my mind, tears into my soul
and I hate myself for not
being
stronger, sturdier, more discerning
and allowing you to
break into my consience

And now while everyone's waiting for the sun
to come out
with bated breath
and well-placed fear
I'm here
far away
such a blessing; yet such a curse
hoping alone
for the miracle everyone says that'll descend
but deep inside
I know probably will not

And now you'll probably
be recounting
my sorry story
as a complaint
supposed regret
a warning
to all those else
to be unlike me
to be
stronger, sturdier, more discerning
to be able to take a tight slap
across the face

But I don't know
if hitting
a soul that trusts you, believes you in all and
puts down all its arrogance
and confidence
but perhaps it was too little
too late
and now
I'm a regret long gone
and my memory is a warning
and while that is all that remains of me

I'm still here
far away
wondering
whether to hate myself for what had happened
or hate myself
for hating myself for what's never going to be changed
and when I close my eyes
or still my mind
ask myself
ask my consience
ask my soul
stronger
sturdier
more discerning
or if it will ever
keep me
from having myself ripped apart once ever more.

2008-12-30T01:09:00.002+11:00

My thanks must go to:

DESIREE - for dragging me out to Far East, Plaza Singapura, VivoCity and Takashimaya, for honing my argumentative skills by debating about the prices of costume jewelry.

FRANCIUM AND ZINC - for inviting me so kindly to watch Twilight first, then inviting me along to VivoCity to watch AUSTRALIA (It's nice! But a bit too long. But as Fr and Zn both agree - it's really touching. Go Baz!)

ZINC - for dragging me out for a spot of last minute Christmas shopping, at Central (and later, getting hopelessly lost with me at Chinatown.) My legs got really toned after that, thanks (:

EUNICE - for agreeing to go out with me to visit an old teacher and for arranging meetings and reunions. Thank you, Superwoman, for giving me the chance to meet up with old friends I haven't seen in ages.

MR SS and BABY ISAAC - for agreeing to meet up probably one last time in a long time. Good luck at ACS and may Isaac's Physics always be better than mine ever was.

CHRISTINE AND KANGSHENG - for dinner and all the arguments, jests and whiling around at Plaza Singapura whining "NOW WHAT??!!!" I love you two to bits, netherless (:

TRANSLATOR AND AH MENG (AND EUNICE) - for gathering to discuss the ill-fated Class BBQ. It was nice to see you two and get to disturb you for a bit, even if you two didn't actually turn up for the actual dinner. But I'm thankful we got to meet up.

PLATINUM - for the support from NYNY and calling me a couple of times even though you were about to drop dead from exhaustion or sth.

HELEN, MAE, XUEN, MICHELLE, MINGCAI and ANQI - for making my time at work so enjoyable and meaningful. For the patience, guidance, trust and neverending support.

MAD DOLL - for the Starbucks (the original plan to ice-a-cake) and company and random shrieks of wisdom despite me wilting at home and you slaving under the command of a right-wing nutjob. And for the updates, to the workplace gossip to adopting a stray Christmas bauble that nearly concussed your boss. You are one in a million.

CLASS 4-3 - for the outing at Sentosa. You guys made my last time at the place really unforgettable - from the blind, decline-style Captainless's Ball (we played on a sideways decline so we couldn't run, so it was high passes all the way) to the dunking ("Glasses? Phone? Any last words? No? OK - 1,2,3, DUNK!") and Mummy-making to staying in the surf for about 2 hours at a time, you guys rocked the day. And dinner at Vivo rooftop was totally brilliant. Thank you for the memories(:

2008-12-29T14:05:00.003+11:00

20 more boxes waiting to be bent and folded.

Crated jungle.

The chaos my room has become.

PEOPLE, PEOPLE, GO WATCH THE BASEBALL SCENE FROM TWILIGHT!!!

I tell you, even though it seems like some scene just added in to emphasise the sexiness of the vampires, it does it's job pretty well! The moment I heard the music start I was thinking - "Oh man, this is going to be cool."

(:

2008-12-24T14:41:00.002+11:00

Starbucks is exorbitant, but I guess I have my luxuries(:

Went to JP with Mad Doll yesterday - showed me her workplace and told me about how she adopted this stray Christmas bauble named Ruby. The bauble had fallen out of nowhere, so she took it in after it nearly concussed her boss, who had been standing near the front pretty unsuspectingly.

Then she wanted me to go ice-a-cake with her but really, the kawaii stuff doesn't appeal to me, so yeah. We wound up at Starbucks and I decided that until now, MacDonalds still makes the best Caramel Blends.

And and

Still packing, but reading a lot of fanfiction. And maybe going out later. Xmas Shopping. I hope I have fun, I've got a lot to do.

2008-12-21T19:45:00.003+11:00

As everyone (well, now you know if you hadn't) knows, I am packing like crazy these days and apparently I have some items that I will not be bringing over. (lack of space) So I am looking for kind souls who wish to adopt them and give them a good home.

When packing I wanted to avoid leaving my books behind cos (sentimentality aside) I feel that these documents are in really great condition and they also contain lots of useful information in easily-digestible formats (translation: they contain lots of substance in very accessible style, aka a lot of info which is really quite easy to read) and for some reason, I'll be reading pretty much of the same subjects in Melbourne next year. But apparently there isn't enough space plus my flight weight allowance isn't very nice, so I had to set aside some items (SOBS) to give up.

I had originally set aside certain items to give away to people who specially requested to take them up (plus more which I pretty much unceremoniously chose to dump on certain poor, unsuspecting souls - sorry Ms Faith, heh - as "tokens of remembrance"; yeah, I left my mark with the CH Survival Packs) and so while those have good homes (or more or less certain ones) I am looking for new homes and TLC for these babies (: Preferably juniors or those who might actually use them, cos these are mostly study texts. But I'm not complaining if you're going to adopt one just to remember me by (:

PRESENTING:

ADVENT '08

Item: Upper Secondary Social Studies (Sec 3 SS Text)

Aston asked me for the Sec 4 text the other day and I was like "Take it with my blessings" but personally I preferred Sec 4 SS to Sec 3 SS because I feel that the Sec 4 topics were a lot more exciting. But netherless, all topics are still relevant to Singapore's development and to our understanding of today's modern world and the key aspects of human society today - political, social, environmental and economic. (OK, now I sound as if I'm advertising for CPD)

Comes with Post-It Markers (can be removed if preferred) and my own notes and scribbles in coloured ink (I'm sorry, I really love coloured ink). Can be wrapped if preferred. In pretty good condition.

Item: PHYSICS Matters (O Level Physics Textbook)

This was probably the darling of the collection. I remember lugging this baby around the place all the time, to class, home, tuition and night study. I was so horrible at Physics that I needed the text even when doing homework and TYS. (TYS Full Paper is also available with answer keys from teachers - you can't trust those in the book - and post-it marked for every paper, but it's all complete and marked) But don't worry, it's so marked and loved, cos I don't like the idea of karma.

This baby is marked with post-it flags for many different concepts and comes with my own notes in coloured ink and add-on notes (for certain concepts like Electromagnetism) on separate slips of paper, attached in a folder inside the cover.

Comes wrapped in plastic (the durable wapper) and is in very good condition, though the binding is a little worn, but it still holds together sturdily.

This advent list will continue as I sort my stuff out. I will update on the claimed items. To claim the items, tag my blog, approach on MSN, call/sms or just get to me in any way possible by 30th December 2008.

Thanks!

2008-12-19T02:32:00.001+11:00

Was looking through Bakerella when I saw this. As Chlorine darling would go - WAKAKAKAKKA.

Baking in Progress. Shall post pics of cookies tomorrow if I'm awake soon enough.

2008-12-17T21:26:00.004+11:00

One of the main things I've been doing to while the time away these days is reading Harry Potter. Between the nuggets and I we've got the whole series (I've got books 1, 2, 3 and 4 and Nugget 2 has the other 3.) but N2 decided to take over position of Guardian of the Seven (meaning she got all possessive of them) so I did not really have much chance to read anything properly. (at least, for the last 2)

I remember the day I introduced N2 to Harry Potter. We went to watch Prisoner of Azkaban (I remember what the Dowager said about the Dementors - "一大堆黑鬼飞来飞去") and when we went home she asked me what the heck was going on, so I chucked book 3 in her face and asked her to read and TADAH!!

And the day she got book 6 (she pre-ordered the last 2) she spent about 5 hours with her nose in the book, looked up after that looking really glum and said "Dumbledore got killed."

Me (with head buried in homework): Oh. OK.

Nugget 2: DUMBLEDORE. DIED.

Me (finally grasping enormity of situation and gasping in horror) : OMG WHO DID IT??

Nugget 2: SNAPE.

Me: HUH? I thought he was on Dumbledore's side???!

Nugget 2: Wait wait. I read again. (flips through pages)

And then later we realized that Dumbledore got murdered and basically the series just took its final pivot ("paradigm shift") for the dark side, after a regular tragedy per book ever since book 4. So I was all pensive about how Harry Potter was one of the few literary masterpieces that heralded the triumph of good over evil.

But the most memorable was when she got Book 7. At 7 A.M in the morning she started squealing and jumping up and down on my bed, then went out, answered the doorbell, then came back in, unceremoniously dumped me off the bed, shoved me out of the room and bolted the door.

7 hours later she emerged, smiling triumphantly. "I know who won," she smirked.

So after my preview reading - my first reading, usually speed-read or rush-read, as I call it - I left the fact that the series was over to sink in. (I mean, honestly, if Rowling had decided to kill Harry off, the whole series would have gone down the drain??! )

But with 3 words "All was well." that was it. I felt that it was a bit abrupt for all 7, but three months of pondering later, I guess that was the only way for it to go.

I think the directors have been doing a really great job with the movies. Honestly, the only thing better I've watched is the Lord of the Rings, but truly, that's another class of its own. I've never noticed that Daniel Radcliffe's acting is wooden (really?) or that the casting is crap. (HUH??!) The only thing I took notice of was the whole Cho Chang fiasco, but that I dismissed as a fangirl controversy.

I guess that whenever I read reviews of film adaptations, I get real irked whenever I see reviewers (usually senior, experienced editors) go "Aw. It's crap. Only good for fans, I guess." complete with a snide remark or two about how fans won't realize the "crap" that it is because of obsession.

Today, I was reading the review for Twilight and I was like "Two-and-a-half effing stars upon five??!!!" Then there was the review for Breaking Dawn a couple of months back. ("And I was like. Ew. Vampire sperm??") and upon reading it I felt tempted to curse the living daylights out of that reviewer. (effing self-uppity twit, I remember raging about her to the irritation of my mum, the only other person in the house awake when I brought the papers in)

My initial argument was that these reviewers hardly know what they're really talking about. It's sort of contemptuous that these masterpieces were reviewed by people (who, ok, unarguably have loads of experience at this job) and for all their experience, have hardly understood the book at all. Like, I really think that the BD reviewer had the book foisted on top of her work stack, and giving a tired, exhausted office-cubicle dweller another bit of work would have killed her altogether. Which really reasoned out why she gave it such a horrible review.

But I am often frustrated at how the mainstream press treats such work as - more work, just work to be done. Then very often, it just gets treated like yet another book. Has anyone noticed that most reviews, for crying out loud, often throw rotten tomatoes?

But giving a die-hard fan the job isn't the best suggestion either. If not the whole column would be overwhelmed with obsessed (I guess, in some cases, bimbotic) gushing.

So giving the job to someone who doesn't know a thing and giving it to a fanatic would not be the best way to get about it. I'm suggesting that reviewers start by giving a more objective review of the work. If it's a series, for the love of all that's holy, at least go further than wikipedia it (actually, wiki IS a pretty good way to get a bird's-eye glance of the series, spoilers aside). The press pays for the books or at least subsidises them, right? So jolly well find out more. I mean, it's a job that you're supposed to enjoy, right? Personally I'd give anything to have a job like that.

On the other side, I'd also like to argue that it's not an easy job reviewing. Very often you have to review anything, like it or not. So I take my hat (and hairpins) off to reviewers for that. And it's not easy to give an objective view without seeming as if you're just stating facts, or worse, cutting and pasting from wikipedia.

But for crying out loud. I seriously think that, all understanding, empathy and sympathy aside, that Breaking Dawn reviewer ought to get whalloped. I thought her review was nothing short of condescing.

On the whole, I conclude that all reviewers, while having to endure the strain of working, should strive to provide objective views of the works they cover. Doing the "I guess it's a good read - for fans." might seem to be an easy option out, but after contemplation, I'd like to say that perhaps it's a statement for the best. As quoted by Twilight author (and idol) Stephenie Meyer:

Every individual has their own personal taste and experience, and that's why there are such a great variety of books on the shelves. There are lots of very popular books that I don't enjoy at all. Conversely, there are books that I adore that no one else seems to care about. The surprise to me is that so many people do like my books. I wrote them for a very specific audience of one, and so there was no guarantee that any other person on the planet besides me would enjoy them.
When I publish a book, I know that it's not going to be right for every person who picks it up. With Breaking Dawn, the expectation was so huge and so intense that I knew the negative reaction was going to be especially bad this time. In the end, it's just a book. No book—or album, or movie, or tv show, or any other kind of entertainment—can answer to that level of expectation. Oh, it might do it for some people, it might be exactly what they were looking for. But there's always going to be another group who was looking for something else.

It's a hard thing to have people unhappy with you, but there's nothing I can do. Either Breaking Dawn entertains you or it doesn't. If I could go back in time, knowing everything I know right now, and write the whole series again, I would write exactly the same story. (The writing would be better, though—practice makes perfect.) This is the story I wanted to write, and I love Breaking Dawn. It's everything I wanted in the last novel of my saga. People's reactions don't change that.
- From stepheniemeyer.com

2008-12-17T14:08:00.003+11:00

THOU SHALT NOT COVET
Christmas Wishlist '08

A while ago, Jodi Picoult arrived in Singapore to promote this book. It was probably by luck that I had been at the library (JE) that day to study and I saw the poster promoting her book talk. I remember badgering the librarian at the information counter later on for details on how to get to Central Library. Then there was this huge crowd at the door - people standing, sitting, half-lying down and all. And it was really hilarious cos we were all trying to peek around the transparent glass border of the door (which was mainly frosted, opaque glass) and when it finally opened there was this mad scramble to get good seats and the door had to be kept open cos there were so many people crowding in from the hall.

The author did readings from some parts of the book (the bits by Lucius) and it turned out that she was pretty much a good voice actor (I suppose all writers need that) and the story, even though it was only read from one POV that day (her books generally encompass more than one character's POV) it was already really interesting and I guess that Lucius is probably my favourite character in there if I had one (*winks conspiratorically at Monkey and Premier*) so if anyone gets me this, I suppose I'd be indebted, since my budget-drawstring was tightened last night by Monkey and Mad Doll informing me that dinner at NYNY was a lot more expensive than I had supposed.

2008-12-16T01:57:00.002+11:00

THOU SHALT NOT COVET
Christmas Wishlist '08

OH MAN.

OH OH OH OH OH MAAAAAAN.

OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.

ITEM: IPOD (CLASSIC/NANO)

This would be really, really nice. The IPod, I mean. Then I won't have to keep fretting about all the songs in my mobile (I must be suicidal - I've got over 200 or so) busting my poor cellphone. And the earpiece, hopefully, will be a lot more sturdy. And perhaps the whole darling will be a whole lot secure. One of these babies costs at least $400 (?) so I can keep dreaming that this will even appear in my stocking on the Christmas tree. HAI.

2008-12-13T18:32:00.005+11:00

画心

作词:陈少琪
作曲:藤原育郎
演唱:张靓颖

看不穿是你失落的魂魄
猜不透是你瞳孔的颜色
一阵风一场梦爱如生命般莫测
你的心到底被什么蛊惑

你的轮廓在黑夜之中淹没
看桃花开出怎样的结果
看着你抱着我目光似月色寂寞
就让你在别人怀里快乐

爱着你像心跳难触摸
画着你画不出你的骨骼
记着你的脸色是我等你的执着

你是我一首唱不完的歌
我的心只愿为你而割舍

2008-12-13T18:26:00.001+11:00

如燕
词曲：陈佳明
编曲：Terence Teo
制作人：陈佳明
演唱：Olivia Ong

愿意合上眼才能美梦无边
别让悔熏乌了从前

也许碎片才能让回忆展颜
何妨瓷花拼凑明天

谁带我寻获幸福的模
却自己谜中困锁

谁为我留下缱绻的天涯
信物是抹晚霞

思念如燕它飞舞舌尖
若是真爱配尝几分苦甜

意念婆娑时间里推磨
追随到何处才结果

燕如针线在青空缝编
几幅女红将以泪缀点

誓言斑驳情雾只是经过
风雨中且让我盈步婀娜

2008-12-12T19:36:00.000+11:00

OK, now that I'm sure my boss ain't watching.

I'm using the computer at work, because right now I really have nothing to do. It's one more hour but still I feel really guilty cos Mae can probably see what I'm up to through the door.

Ok, I should stop now, and continue thinking pious thoughts yeah?

2008-12-12T19:35:00.000+11:00

HELLO ALL!

Ok, buh-bye.

2008-12-08T00:15:00.002+11:00

Honestly, I'm not angry at anyone. I'm not blaming anyone, cos it was no one's fault. I just feel pissed that I'm left out again.

I don't hate any of you because you guys did not want this to happen either. But the whole self-castigating thing makes me feel worse. It's not your fault I didn't get in, it's just that stupid feeling of being left out. For some strange reason I feel almost backstabbed, but truly it would be less than rational to point the finger at either of you and blame you, cos it's not like you went up there and snatched the job away or anything. It's just that my stupid circumstances make me pretty much un-hire-able at the moment.

So at the moment, I'm not in any sort of mood to talk about this cos I need to mellow down. And if you launch into the whole corporal mortification outfit again I might just decapitate you myself. But no hard feelings - I mean, despite whatever crap this situation entails you are my friends, and that's what counts to the end.

So stop the self-flagellating, cos it's really no one's fault. And I'm not in any mood to be a saint at the moment. I mean, I am masochistic to some extent (being a perfectionist and all) but I'm not some sadist.

Go and work and have fun, and learn from the experience. I'll find some way to mope for the remaining three weeks. I'll just have to make rotting away and stagnating feel more tolerable.

2008-11-29T16:14:00.004+11:00

2008-11-27T10:10:00.004+11:00

Okidoke, I hope that got the poison somewhat out of my system. I hope they really grow smart enough.

On a brighter note, yesterday I watched my first NC16 movie LEGALLY in a CINEMA. Haha. OK, finally my turn!!!

My utmost gratitude to -

LEELING: For the BUN (yum!) and the love letter and all the hugs. You've been a wonderful friend and sister to have for the past 2 years, and I really wouldn't have survived without your optimism.

LEEHUI: For part of the CAKE (yumyum!) and all the love that you've shared since we first met two years back. You truly have been a powerful force behind me and I would never have made it without you, be it without your meticulousness or your concern.

HUILIN: For the bear and wicker-basket ornament. And for being the blur-yet-sharp sotong confidante you have been for all my years in Commonwealth. I've never regretted getting to know you and it really has been a wonderful, life-changing heck of an odessy of 4 years.

JasONG: ONG! Thank you for the unwavering support, concern and advice. And you truly are an enigmatic one - for being so diamond-sharp behind looking so beignin.

AMEEER!: Ameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeir! Seriously, brother, I am truly indebted to you for the two years of warmth, true concern and steadfast support and encouragement. And thank you for the chocolate (yes, you know I cannot diet long) . God be with you in life and good luck!

LOIS: For the birthday greetings. Fellow Twilighter. Hehe. Thank you for the laughter and joy you've given me ever since we met - from drawing dictator TongTongs to enthusing about Twilight. Big hug and all the best!

SYAHIDA: DARLING! Thank you for being the first willing person in class to hug me even before you knew me properly. You've been a true treasure - with your warmth, enthusiasm and love. I've never regretted giving you that first hug, always. All the best - may you continue to spread the love!

NISA: Babe, it's been a wonderful 2 years. And I am indebted for the boundless enthusiasm you seem to radiate round the clock. And thank you for willingly hyperventilating about ANTM and Gossip Girl with me - all the best, and rawk on!

TANG GE: TINKERBELL!!! WHERE ARE YOU??? *lifts up rock by pond and checks* Nope. Okie doke. TANG GE I LOVE YOU!!! Thank you for holding my hand as whenever I walk around campus, and listening to me whenever I want to vent, and for all the TLC, trust and warmth. All the best - chin up, and believe in yourself. You will do well!

MIAOLING: MIAOW! Thank you for being there for me, no matter how quiet you always are. You've got a pretty sharp head behind that pretty face - and thank you for the timeless advice that you've given me of pure goodwill and for all the warmth and TLC that saw me through the darkest days.

SYAF and SHAZ: DAHLINGS!!! My thanks and love for all the love and warmth and TLC you've given me. And thank you for the boundless enthusiasm as well, it really has been priceless and it will always be. All my love, and good luck.

4-3 2008: My wonderful class. You guys mean more to me than you probably ever will know. It has been and honour to work with such an enthusiastic, loving, caring group of people for the past 2 years. It has truly been a pleasure knowing you guys - two years have enlightened me to your individual beauties and the myriad of wonder and the love that is tangible in the atmosphere of this fellowship. This has been a fellowship of love and trust, and thank you for the 2 years and the honour of allowing me to walk with you. All my love, all the best and I will never forget you guys.

6 Faith 2004: My primary 6 graduating class. I haven' t seen many of you since time immemorial, but you guys never fail to give me joy and encouragement whenever you do. All the best and a big hug.

Miss Faith: I swear the pun above was unintended. Thank you for the encouragement, support and TLC that you've given me. You've been a tireless stand of support and inspiration, and thank you for the love you always shared whenever I went through a trial, a tribulation, no matter the outcome. Thank you for laughing with me in times of joy, or sticking by me in times of despair. May you continue to be the guiding light for the many to come.

Mr Chua: Thank you for the unwavering support and patience. I'm not the perfect student. Thank you for tolerating the nonsense that I churn out more than half the time and thank you for the encouragement when I did achieve something in study, or in school, no matter how big or small.

Mr Koh: Ok, this is somewhat of an apology. I seriously do not know what it is that makes me fall asleep in your class. But even though Physics isn't my best subject and it probably never will be, it has been an eye-opening, enriching experience to be in your class. Thank you for all the insights and effort, and all the best.

Mrs Philip: As my Math teacher you no doubt faced a mammoth task. So it is with heartfelt gratitude that I must say that no matter the outcome, I am truly thankful for the support, the love and neverending encouragement to pick myself up when I fall, and strike back with three times the force. Thank you for being there with me in my darkest hours, and for holding my hands on the climb back uphill. Thank you for praying for me, and trusting that I would recover, no matter how devastating the blow that was dealt. Thank you for standing up for me in the face of the seemingly-inevitable, and for championing and defending me against those who insisted, in times of despair, that I would never make it.

Mrs Abdullah: I am thankful for the encouragement in class, in study, and in school. The nods, the praises and the smiley-stickers really meant a lot to keep me going, especially when I was wearing thin. So thank you for never failing to keep me not just moving, but moving on.

Mrs Lee/ Miss Teo: Thank you for insisting that I believe that there was always light at the end of the tunnel, and that I had to brave the dark in order to see the light. Thank you for giving me the opportunities to prove myself and making me stick to the path to the end and beyond, in order to make me grow stronger through trials and tribulations.

Mrs Anba: My thanks are for the TLC and the determination to make me stick through difficulty in order to make me grow. I thank you for the encouragement and the faith, and it has been a life-changing experience being under your tutelage and mentorship.

Kas: BIAO-JIE. Big hug for all the support in the face of despair, the encouragement in the event of failure and the love everyday. Thank you for being a wonderful friend, a wonderful, loving cousin. All the best(:

Avneet: My darling, it has been a wonderful 4 years knowing you. My gratitude goes to the love and warmth that you always shared, and the support and encouragement you always radiated. Thank you for cautioning me when I was impulsive, for making me stand when I fell, and for rejoicing with me when I achieved anything, no matter how big or small. Thank you for being my confidante in all times. All my love - all the best.

Sangeetha: For being my inspiration and mentor for the stage and my comrade in friendship. Thank you for your guidance when I was learning, and your TLC at all times.

Eunice: For being my classmate since time immemorial, and for being a steadfast stand of support throughout my years in Commonwealth. It's been wonderful to have you studying right next door for 2 years, and I truly hope you find happiness. All the best.

John/ JunJie: Class Chairman since Sec 2, I never regretted sabo-ing/nominating you into the post in Sec 3. As per always, you rose to the occasion and as such were a main inspiration for me to stick it out no matter the circumstance. Thank you for the enthusiasm and shrewd guidance and humour in all times. And good luck to you and your paramour - I truly hope you find happiness.

Siok: I may not have been very close to you, but my thanks must go to you for the support and encouragement and sheer trust that I would stand again in times of failure and despair. All the best.

Shawn: Truly, I am speechless at your support and encouragement. I am indebted to the concern and support you give me always. For trying to make me see the light in despair, and for making me listen to reason in times of impulse and fury. You truly have been a godsend. And once again, and for countless times - Thank You.

Desiree: For being my mother hamster/meerkat/any kind of marsupial. For the shrewd guidance that you've always shared when I needed direction, for the listening ear and comforting shoulder when I wanted to say something or just cry my eyes out. For the love and care with which you've always watched over me. Thank you.

Lee Ming: For being my guiding light for the past 4 years. For believing that I would stand up no matter how far I fell. I don't get to see you often, but you never fail to make me reflect upon my reasons in life, and stay true to my principles. Thank you for being a godsend.

Angeline: For sticking with me since that first ballet class with Cao Yang. My memory doesn't go that far. And for understanding why your post is so short (despite shrieking in indignation first) because you, of all people should know that by now I'm close to crying already and you, of all people, should know how much I love you, through instant noodles, $1 pohpiah, toe shoe-pads and bitchy dance classmates and effeminate teachers.

To you: For sticking with me for 4 years, first as a friend, then as an inspiration, then as a soulmate. Thank you for encouraging me to take on the challenge of leadership and stand through difficulty so I could grow. I want you to know that your friendship means the most to me, and that was why I was so hurt last year. But I also want you to know that the crisis made me stronger. And I want to thank you for that and I want you to know that no matter what, I'll always be there for you, and you should never doubt that. Truly. I may not be seeing you for some time, but never doubt that I'll always be there, no matter what.

Ok (Angeline cackling in the background) I really am going to cry. I can't write this sort of emo posts! But the birthday party yesterday was a truly memorable experience. I truly enjoyed it. I'll remember it, probably forever. So thank you for marking these 16 years of survival, joy, grief and growing with me.

(:

2008-11-27T09:59:00.003+11:00

Do you idiots know that you've pushed me to the edge and over it already? What did you expect me to do, bat my eyes bimbotically and get over it and let you carry on? Sorry, sweetheart, everyone's got a limit. It's spelled with 5 simple letters, I'm truly sorry your pitifully limited rich-brat IQ hasn't picked that up just yet. Give it time, you may - or not.

It's my birthday, for God's sake (SHUT UP, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE OF THIS WHOLE RELIGIOUS RIGHTEOUS CRAP, IT'S NOTHING BUT A BLOODY PITIFUL ATTEMPT TO BE PIOUS, IF YOU WERE YOU WOULD OPEN YOUR EYES NOW AND LOOK AND NOT CLOSE ONE EYE AND HIDE YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND.) and you idiots, as per bloody usual, can't seem to give other people's sanities a rest.

THEY'RE MY PRESENTS. NOT YOURS. I've had enough of you idiots opening presents wrapped with love and care and making sarcastic comments about everything. It's bloody ungrateful, and apparently you're too upper notch to get that into your thick skulls. And as if that's not bad enough you extend that to other's gifts - that's right, when they're not even yours to begin with.

I've had enough of your self-angelic, self-righteous nonsense. This is my holiday, and I can do whatever I want so long as I watch myself, which is truly, none of your fucking business. See? Fuck you. No, I'm not shutting up. Call me a hooligan - honestly, if you would look at what they're doing, it makes me look like some saint.

You're a bloody bitch, you know? You bat your eyes innocently and get away with murder for all I care. You bitch about everything, everyone behind their backs. And you, get it into your thick skull that she's not a very good example to follow.

So in all. Thank you very much for ruining my birthday, dear little cherub. And for the world's sake I hope you can find somewhere to hole up and vanish for all I care.

2008-11-23T01:18:00.000+11:00

I know, I know.

This will scare the living daylights out of you people.
Oh well. Couldn't get coloured contacts.

But this is really beautiful.

Wonder what it's like to have such light-coloured eyes.

Was thinking about it - crystal heart, blue dress, golden eyes.
Really. * mental slaps*

But oh well. I still want coloured contacts. I think I'm obsessed.

Singapore River

2008-11-18T20:49:00.000+11:00

This is bloody immature okay?

On the whole I got my legs more exercise. And I've decided that Caramel Frappe tastes better than Vanilla Frappe.

And I need to go shopping for OZ clothing soon. Anyone up for it?

2008-11-17T00:03:00.000+11:00

Let's see - on Thursday I stepped into a KBox parlor for the first time. Hydrogen was telling me that it's all Chinese songs, and Gold kept telling me to tag along (which I wanted to, heh). So the gang that braved it - Hydrogen, Carbon, Francium, Titanium, Gold and Fluorine(:

TopOne really is a nice parlor, with pretty much a wide range of songs and pretty OK prices (according to the metals). And their toast is delicious. Heh. Carbon joked that I ate a lot cos I was bored. Cos they were monopolizing the machine. But I really enjoyed it - the whole bunch were really encouraging, and they kept asking me to sing and even though I didn't know how to sing some of the songs (some I'd never even heard of) they just asked me to fumble along.

The best part was when some song we all knew came along so we all sang together, mike or no mike(: It was really a wonderful experience - PRICELESS. So thank you to the elements that allowed me to tag along the compound.

Went out with the Mad Doll again today, to Orchard. I swear, I've been up and down that place almost every single day since Os have finished.

And the most infuriating thing is that while I can take a bus direct there, I can't seem to find one that will take me back. Cos I tell you the roads are bloody confusing. But on the bright side I get to walk a bit. Burn calories, lose weight, look prettier at prom (hopefully), heh.

So Mad Doll and I walked from Wisma all the way to Dhoby Ghaut, and I was telling her why the place was named Dhoby Ghaut, hehe. I remember that station, cos Mr SS's wedding was there 2 years ago. And we heard the couple had a baby quite recently so maybe we could go visit and bother them a bit.

Legs are killing me.

Oh well. The Christmas Decor is up at Orchard, and I think they've really pulled the stops out for this one. It's Xmas everywhere downtown, I think - was telling the Doll that they had to exploit the lucrative season. It's kind of true, actually. Xmas is the most lucrative season of the year, even more so than the Lunar New Year (no racism implied here, mind) so it's always commemorated A WHOLE B**** MONTH before it actually passes.

But the place is really pretty and dazzling at night. Doll kept making me stop to take random pictures of the scenery, some with her wierd hand gestures sticking into the frame.

CHALET IS ON WEDNESDAY!! I CAN'T WAIT!!
Ay ya ya. Okiedoke. Shall go eat ice-cream (:

Oh, the irony indeed.

2008-11-12T14:46:00.000+11:00

ALL MY PICTURES ARE GONE.

*throws a fit*

So there goes the video. Oh well.

But..

Os ARE OVER!!!
Oh yeah.

I feel strangely lethargic, though.

Oh well. Going shopping. I need some serious retail therapy.
(:

Met Translator on my way back. Then found out that SC prom is tomorrow night. But apparently they don't plan to do much, just go out and stay out late.

In the meanwhile, waiting for Mother to finish up. Then going out to see my dress!!

2008-11-11T18:47:00.000+11:00

Uh uh, no, no.

*falls face forward onto keyboard*

And the patterns continue clattering across the screen.

2008-11-10T00:32:00.000+11:00

I realise that I have a habit of using words I really don't know much about.
Oh well.

Catalyst:
A substance that increases the rate of reaction between reacting substances while
itself remains chemically unchanged.

Peroxide. Two.

2008-11-07T01:24:00.000+11:00

Haha.
Peng-chang yi xia!!

LELONG LELONG!!!

Commissioned to do this. I admit, I am brilliant.

*skips off*

Selling off some stuff first before packing away.

2008-11-06T22:56:00.001+11:00

WHOOO.

At least I found someone who also did Qn1 and Qn3.

I hate it when the examiners walk over when I ask for paper and they go "HUH? You need 5 pieces?" very sarcastically.

So? I write a lot.
Or I think I type a lot faster.

Ecotourism. Phang Nga Bay.
Monkey said that if you say that very fast, it sounds wrong.

Oh well. Essays done.

We got the party(:

2008-11-04T19:04:00.000+11:00

HELLO!!!

OMG. Ok. Amneties and facilities.
Chingay. SG's gonna host the world's first ever night race!!!

WAIT.
Correction.

Singapore DID host the world's first ever night race. I don't regret watching it.
OMG, now I'm really obsessed with Grand Theft Auto.

And, and...
I CAN SEE RUSSIA FROM MY HOUSE!!!

Keke. Ok, now I'm going back to study.

2008-09-10T17:30:00.001+10:00

AMEER!!!

Gotta love it, gotta love it.

Centrifugal Force ("Kinematics for Dummies")

The Dictator himself.

Hydrogen fluoride.

Halogens and the Cookie Monster.

Everybody Loves John (the series)

Sitting ducks(: - Zinc and Fluorine

Magnesium, Fluorine, and Tong Tong(:

Platinum, Fluorine and Syahidah!

Zinc's new apprentice.

"I'm too sexy..."

BWAHAHAHA.

See No Evil - Lithium and Cookie.

Darling(:

Hydrogen.

Luxury.

Rubidium.

The Metals.

(Clockwise from left): Leeling (Nitrogen), JasOng (Titanium), Leehui (Hydrogen), AfiQ, Zexun (Zinc), Tangge (Carbon), Me(Fluorine)

Old Flames.

Ameer (Magnesium), JasOng (Titanium), Me (Fluorine) and Shazana (Dahling), guest starring the Otah.

Fluorine and Dahling (:

Iron, Fluorine and Platinum - the LL Crew (:

Beautiful.

I don't have to screw up 3 papers to realize that I need to work at it.

There ain't much time left...

BTW IT WAS OCC!! NaSA.

OH WTF. 5 effing marks gone.

HAI.

Just tell me straight to the face, don't hide it, don't play politics, love or war. Now ain't the time to throw me against the wall, just scream it in my face if you have to.

I'm gonna have to face up to it...let them scream WTF happened in my face next week...I wish the first time hadn't been so easy...

I'd hate to fall anymore.

At least let me know.

Am I?

Above's photoblog entry's on its way as a video. Some of the happier memories that I managed to transfer to the comp. There's this other batch of dinner the other night with Pt, Zn, Ti, H and N at JE KFC, complete with Zn and his impeccable table manners(:

Really, tres chic!

OK. I shall stop now. I think I'm becoming a tabloid blogger.

So.

This is it, I guess?

I'd say don't miss me but I'd really hope you won't forget(:

Au revior, mon cherie...

Salut.

2008-09-10T17:29:00.001+10:00

...

?!

2008-09-08T21:14:00.000+10:00

Scrape all that.

I just hope you're OK.
That all you are.

I would want nothing else other than that.
Got me?

2008-09-05T00:58:00.000+10:00

I wonder if it's all it seems. Wonder if I've had any negative comments about me.

About my attitude?

So is this it?

Oh boy, it came so fast.

I'm wondering if it was enough.
Or not.

(?)

2008-08-28T22:38:00.000+10:00

This is how immature some can apparently get.

Oh well.
Though I must admit, I'm not really surprised.

And I'm shocked that I actually felt disappointed in you.

2008-08-23T23:50:00.001+10:00

I promised to start studying in 20 minutes.

DARN WHO AM I KIDDING LAH?!

I promise to stop leaving enormous spaces between singular lines.

I promise to stop victimizing.

I've got to be more disciplined and stand up properly.

"Actually... I do so think that you're a really strong person."
Made me realize how many there were who really cared for me.

Made me realize that perhaps I'm not at all as virtuous as I thought I was.

Oh well.

Econs econs... to the right, demand curve, for simpler essay questions!
OI I KNOW MY MARKET THEORY OI!

Why set question got no curve one?

Gah, I woke up just now feeling really dead. Wake up in the morning *SCRATCH* late afternoon nowadays to really feel my brain cells dying ONE by *EFF!* one. (THANKS PLATINUM I KNOW YOU FEEL DARN GUILTY TEACHING ME THAT HORH!)

Can't argue, can no longer analyse.
There goes 3 out of the window, I'm caught in a limbo of a lopsided balance with no gravity to cancel the effect out

):

I'm flying off on a haywire tangent, on an out-of-control function with an always decreasing gradient.

I screamed at lightning 5 days ago. All three times the shock cracked across the sky, all three times the screams ripped their way from my lungs, out of my throat.

And thanks for the hugs from those who were there (:
I just don't like loud, sudden noises.
Shouldn't have said that, now Pt will get me goth rock tickets for my birthday.

I LOVE IT. Thanks, Mrs Toh!!!

Seriously it is now goddamn easy to study, without having to lug around my heavy (and psychedelic, really, I love you:) text around. Before it was really arduous, (I seriously suspect sth's wrong, I haven't shown any improvement in flex-arm hang!!) having to gang the books and files of notes around, but now everything's consolidated nicely!!

I seriously do not see why it is so troublesome and sinful to accept help like that.

I admit, consolidating your own work is very important in helping you gain learning points (as is in doing your own corrections) but at such a time (whereby which most of our brain cells are dying at an increasing function) such help really is crucial (and a godsend) really.

I guess all you guys back there got it mixed up with SPOONFEEDING.

Ok here I will do my utmost best to argue in a decent, balanced manner (highest level and all that) with as little expletives as possible.

I have seriously nothing against the others. I know this looks as if we're having a wonderful time slacking off when help like this is offered. But it is important that you should get this clear - we accept it and appreciate it.

Second, has it occured to you that we did this on our own? Sure, she did intervene and vet the whole thing, but please do get this straight - we did this. We consolidated that effing (OOPS Pt) text into such a condensed, yet saturated version.

I mean, you have seen us mugging in the canteen during the holidays right? Not to mention a certain group hyperventilating half the time and one madwoman keying a frenzy over a laptop, having the time of her life struggling with Autoshapes (atomic configuration on page one was my skill, and the mole concept was ODA's!! I KNOW I AM HILARIOUS, THANKS!)

Has it even got to you that while we struggled to do this, it all got to us?
So yes, thanks, we have learnt. And we're gonna make this work.

I'm sure you guys all do your own thing to help those under your charges, but seriously, I have to condemn your actions if I were to speak of it. I know I'm not in a position to do so, but neither do you in blaming the goodwill of the ones who are trying to help us in anyway they can.

And to do so, either how, is pretty stupid a concept altogether - to put it blatantly, there's no harm in doing so cos we didn't exploit anything.

Maybe...
AW COME ON YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS AREN'T YOU?

I seriously think that you guys have done an awesome job helping others all the same. I think that when you point the finger in such a manner, it's really crushing.

Because I don't see any logical reason why you guys should percieve such goodwill as spoonfeeding. I admit that we're not really looking that strong at the moment, but at the same time, please do open your eyes and look beyond the surface.

So I got darn pissed when I found out.

I'm going to read Stalin now.
Will talk more when I get back.

2008-08-19T01:37:00.000+10:00

Finally finished the darned essay, hopefully its highest level stuff and idiot-proof all in one (:
Thanks to Theck Yee for the good conceptualization and John and Ameer for the moral support and live entertainment!!

OK, now I'll go to sleep.

Dey.

Oh yah hor.

Never mind. Shall go consolidate my work. TEE HEE.

Nah, I'll just go do math.

I'm one step closer to swinging from the crescent.

2008-08-17T19:02:00.000+10:00

I just hate, hate, HATE every single effing racist elitist hoity-toity extremist in effing existence, who claims that only the best will ever survive, and I hate effing reality for making that whole pointless philosphy come true.

That said again, I'd rather stay on my own merit and make it in on my talent to somewhere meritocrious and democratic rather than resort to TIES (effing b*****, they're not everything) and connections to make it anywhere.

If that isn't the case I'd rather not do anything else, thanks very much.

I'm not going to sit here and whine about why this had to happen and so for and such of. I've already had my own fair share of joys, it's unfair that I should have only that and none of the grief.

In your effing eyes I ain't the effing best anymore.

Thanks so much for making me believe that since I could reason with anything else.

I'm a bloody pessimist. And you can't run from the blame.

So what? You didn't even make it up there in the effing first place.
In your effing philosophy it's probably already doomed you from the start.

It's just bloody unfair that it has to apply to me as well.

Don't pull me by the throat any longer. Perhaps this reality isn't an entire bed of roses after all, after how much I made myself believe otherwise.

~~Just go crumble away somewhere and rot into inexistence.~~

I have an alternative route out. I always knew this would happen. But you apparently think that once this is over, everything else is and I should just finish the last few metres to the cliff edge and throw myself off.

~~It's effing disgusting, but then again, isn't that always the way you've been?~~

So thanks that now I've got nothing left and you don't have to force me - I'll just kill myself and spare you your self-righteous guilt. Cos then I'd be moving the gun, and not you, so your effing oh-so-perfect bloody halo won't be knocked off.

~~Really. I don't know how long you'll last, so yeah, thanks. And good luck.~~

~~Is that it?~~

~~I've got nothing left?~~

Really?
Heck, it actually took me so long to realize.

2008-08-10T00:01:00.001+10:00

Tired of Being Sorry

Enrique Iglesias ft. Nadiya

2008-08-05T23:40:00.000+10:00

What will the world be like 20 years from now?

Pardon my pessimism, Madame, but I feel that it will be a pretty dismal place to live in.

Technology eradicates flaws, but lack of flaws would be far from flawless. When robots replace us in teaching our children, would our children learn to become machines and lose all essence of humanity?

Nobody will notice the sun anymore - all we'll learn to be aware of will be the spotlights.

There will be so much more communication - but so much less understanding.

Science gives us longer lives, but will we know how to live those longer lives?

There is so much medicine - but it will not give us health.

We are all growing closer, yet in the end, will the distance between each and everyone of us be increasing beyond control?

2008-08-05T00:47:00.000+10:00

You know what I think was the biggest mistake?

It was mine.

It was me confessing. Me telling you the truth.

Maybe if I hadn't...

Maybe if I hadn't this would never have happened.
I'm not being forced to choose. Never was.

But still I don't know why part of me is still being cut away, and everyone else thinks its right, when I don't even know what to feel.

2008-08-02T01:11:00.000+10:00

"Only politicians make sweeping statements. Only Obama goes "WE NEED CHANGE!!!"."

ZOMFG.

I think this time round was really honestly tai-ko.
The Silky Perfume actors need real tango lessons :O

BREAKING DAWN!!
*hyperventilates*

I just realised that coaching people for EL Oral can be damn wonderful. And Rafiq makes a brilliant examiner. And Shawn will just make you hyperventilate.

Oxygen. Carbon. Nitrogen. Chlorine. Fluorine. Hydrogen. Einsteinum. Phosphorus. Magnesium. Francium. Potassium. Platinum. Iron. Zinc. Selenium.

And and and...

Potassium Hydroxide (:

So...

Get yours today.

2008-07-07T15:42:00.001+10:00

SATURDAY - English in school. Dear, dear brother - "Eh sis, meet in school at 8AM." (: then late himself.

Typical ODA.

And to make up for it he brought snacks. LOL. And taught me how to play basketball. Keke.

Thought about all the controversial issues Ms J's been talking about during lessons. The one which really stood out to me was the "desensitization to violence". It was like, she was talking about it one lesson and smack the next, Mr (KOH) decided to teach us two effective ways to painlessly (almost) decapitate someone.

GAH.

And ODA was really, really amused by the "accident" scenario. LOL.

Should go study Physics now. And Geog.
Gah, who am I kidding?!?!!?

BREAKING DAWN!!!
Pre-order at Pop!
(U/P: S$22.00 - P/O: $16.00)

Thanks Tongtong for the tip-off!!!

Went out with the mad doll after school. WEST COAST MCCAFE!!!
Medium flat white.

Apparently she refused to eat the marshmallows when she found out that they didn't come with the jam-filling.

Then walked around the Park and took spastic pictures.

Voodoo dolls can have fun together (:
I love my symbiote.

I can't even get worked up about bimbotism right now.
Go ahead, slam and slam. Your shallowness just irks me, and your loss would probably end up bigger than mine.

2008-07-03T22:42:00.001+10:00

SPASTIC.

Ok, ok. Ace Pack (:

2008-06-13T03:04:00.000+10:00

ZOMGDFG!!!

GIMME GIMME GIMME!!

I WANT!!!!!!

*hint, my birthday is on November 26th!! *

TEEHEE.

Mercedes S55 AMG

Tongtong's wise words: "In twenty years' time, when you've finally saved up more than enough to get this car, it'll be vintaged liao."

I DON'T CARE!!!

I LOVE VINTAGE.

PS, Esme should have a car too(:

And Bella's supposed car in Breaking Dawn...

Mercedes-Benz s600 Guard

OK, there goes my Grand Theft Auto fanatism again.

*sighs and runs after it with stunning gun*

PORSCHE 911 TURBO, in canary yellow (:

No remorse cos I still remember...
The smile when you tore me apart.

You broke your promise
and made me realise...
That it was all just a lie.

2008-06-12T22:06:00.000+10:00

If I were.....

1. If I were a month I would be: October

2. If I were a day of the week I would be: Friday

3. If I were a time of day I would be: 9 pm

4. If I were a planet I would be: Neptune

5. If I were a sea animal I would be: Dolphin

6. If I were a direction I would be: North

7. If I were a piece of furniture I would be: Swirvel chair

8. If I were a symbol I would be: a Peace Sign

9. If I were a historical figure I would be: Jane Seymour

10. If I were a liquid I would be: 7-Up

11. If I were a stone I would be: Aquamarine

12. If I were a tree, I would be: Weeping willow

13. If I were a bird, I would be: Duck

14. If I were a tool, I would be: Drill

15. If I were a flower/plant, I would be: Lily

16. If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Windy

17. If I were a musical instrument, I would be: Tin whistle

18. If I were an animal, I would be: Duck

19. If I were a color, I would be: Sea green

20. If I were an emotion, I would be: Nostalgia

21. If I were a vegetable, I would be: Cabbage

22. If I were a sound, I would be: the crack of lightning

23. If I were an element, I would be: Fluorine

24. If I were a car, I would be: black Mercedes S55 AMG

25. If I were a song, I would be: Angels/ Within Temptation

26. If I were a movie, I would be directed by: the Wachowski Brothers

27. If I were a book, I would be written by: JRR Tolkien

28. If I were a food, I would be: Sashimi

29. If I were a place, I would be: the West End

30. If I were a material, I would be: Silk

31. If I were a taste, I would be: bittersweet

32. If I were a scent, I would be: Peach

33. If I were a word, I would be: volatile

34. If I were a body part I would be: eyes

35. If I were a facial expression I would be: subtle smile

36. If I were a subject in school I would be: English Literature/ History

37. If I were a cartoon character I would be: donald duck

38. If I were a shape I would be a: octogon

39. If I were a character in a movie I would be played by: Charlize Theron

40. If I were a game I would be: chess

2008-06-10T00:43:00.000+10:00

The Three-things quiz

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Ruiting
2. Clockwork
3. ??

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. clockworkballerina
2. dee-vee-dee-tee (I know, calculus rocks, yeah? :)
3. a chorus line

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. eyes
2. hair
3. feet

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. butt
2. legs
3. back (can't pirouette to save my life)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. chinese
2. teochew
3. hainanese

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. the dark
2. bad grades
3. snakes

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. pencil case
2. handphone/ music player
3. spectacles

THREE OF YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Nickelback
2. Hayley Westenra
3. Within Temptation

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS ON YOUR PLAYLIST:
1. Angels - Within Temptation
2. When It Was Me - Paula De Anda
3. Requiem for a Dream - Clive Mansell

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. love
2. loyalty
3. acceptance

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I'm bored.
2. I'm volatile.
3. I'm OCD-ic.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. healthy, fit
2. taller than me (:
3. active

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. reading
2. listening to music
3. talking

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. run
2. swim - i'm too lazy
3. finish up homework; see above.

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED:
1. author/ playwright
2. psychologist
3. teacher

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Switzerland
2. London
3. New Zealand

THREE KID’S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Emily (seriously I might name my daughter this! LOL.)
2. Marie
3. Melanie

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. have at least 3 piercings up each ear
2. publish at least 5 novels and plays
3. live in new zealand

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. i swear
2. i can get rough
3. i want to learn how to play GTA.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. i love shopping
2. i'm too fickel-minded
3. i usually pass 2.4 by a few seconds

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. keanu reeves
2. patrick dempsey
3. wentworth miller

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. angeline
2. angeline
3. and her split personality (:

2008-06-09T23:19:00.000+10:00

CUPCAKE MANIA!!!

It all started when I was reading this article in the Home section of the Straits Times (9 June). In the YouthInk section there was this article of this scholarship student baking cupcakes to sell to raise funds for an anti-child trafficking program..

OK, I wasn't inspired by the idealism...

OKOK, to please the morality, YES.

But moreover... I was inspired by the cupcakes (:
PRETTY, NOT?!

Like, how can cupcakes look so sweet?!?!

She bu de chi le...

My sisters ended up taking charge of most of the baking process, however..

And now my 2nd sis is in the kitchen cursing me to the 7th circle of Hell for persuading her to pile in more mixture into the cups. My reasoning - more filling = more rising = fluffier cupcakes!

Apparently, only under perfect conditions, i.e, the heavily-photoshop-ed realm of Martha Stewart.

ONE SPILLED OUT.

And now my sis is happily cursing me under her breath and whirling around the kitchen trying to rectify the mess, apparently now convinced of my culinary hopelessness.

Gah, to appease her, I offered to wash the tray.

Apparently she refused.

OH WELL.

Must pick carefully, if not my Brother will get offended (:

*hint hint!*

2008-06-04T23:28:00.000+10:00

Writing blog finally up and working!! (Yupyupyup!)

I just need the time to put up the playlist, that's all(:

Do visit and feedback, ok?

2008-06-04T22:22:00.001+10:00

While there are things that make me count down the days before I go, there are always those who never fail to make me realize that it's always worthwhile.

Thanks, guys (:

All you people who never failed to make me see the light in the end.

Something happened a while ago to make me think back on all this.

I'm not gonna mention names here, but I hope that you guys will know what I mean.

I want to thank the people who were there for me, who have helped me along during this time and made me realize that I had to keep growing. For all those who have made me treasure what I have around me, who have been there for me in the dark, through the tears, through the laughter.

Through the living hell my life became last year. Through all the fear that I had to learn to conquer this time round.

My darlings. You guys were seriously the core of my existence and no matter what happened, you never failed to notice whenever something was wrong, even before I would realize that something had gone amiss. You lot never let me go, no matter what, no matter Cloud Nine nor 7th Circle of Hell.

To my honeys. No matter what the day you guys were never afraid to blow kisses back at me when I went crazy. You guys mean more to me than I will ever be able to say.

To the koyoks(the think-tank). Without you lot, I would never have realized that there was so much more to what would meet my eyes. My sincere thanks go to you guys for the frowns when I went overboard, for the well-meaning criticism, the never-ending encouragement when I faltered.

To the ones who would always be there for laughs and heartbreak.

To the ones I could always count on for a listening ear when ever I felt that I was slipping away. Without you guys, I might have plunged off the ravine long ago.

To those who never gave up despite all the crap and procrastination I've probably been giving them.

And a special, honorable mention to the greatest kodok of them all -

My mad doll.

The wackiest symbiote I will ever have.

Thanks for more than I will ever know.

2008-06-02T22:35:00.000+10:00

Just how could you?

Screw it.

Happy 118th post, I guess (:

*pastes a spastic grin on face*

Darn, I CAN get random these few days.
SOMEONE BUY ME CHOCOLATES.

These lines of lightning... mean we're never alone.
No...?

I shouldn't take you for granted (:
Nah. I never will, never fear.

C'est la vie, je t'aime.

2008-05-05T01:48:00.000+10:00

A long time ago I would have cared. Now I don't know if I should anymore.

SHADDAP LAH!!! PIAN (PIA!!!) GEOG!!! GRBR!!!

Ah, who am I kidding?

I deserve some time to emo.

Yah, like right, I've been sleeping the whole day.
Darn.

I seriously hope John gets the candy from Sheng Siong, if not I will just die during Physics tomorrow. OK, OK, I'll get the candy after school on Monday.

I'm screwed - Prelims Chinese paper back tmr. I keep having this really, really horrible feeling that I've screwed it up or worse, and this feeling's becoming more and more dejavu-like. This is sucky.

I should get my act together. I really should. It's time to let go, don't you think?

If I let go I can't care anymore. That means forgetting. Really. And I don't want to. But everytime I remember I keep thinking back, and everytime I end up crying. You really meant so much to me. Truly.

I'll never forget what you did for me when I was in really bad shape last year. Really. I'm sorry if I'd ever taken you for granted, even though I know I'm saying this too late. But really, I'll just feel better saying it.

And then wake up three seconds later telling myself to stop joking.

But even though it ain't going to work, I guess I'm going to have to accept the fact that perhaps you aren't coming back anymore and that I'm going to have to wish you all the best and say that I love you before you gaze back one last time and fly away.

Hai.

You've already flown away, haven't you? I shouldn't get angry when I read stuff like that, it just pisses me off totally on instinct, and I gape at the fact that I wasn't like that last time. Have I really grown all that petty and insecure and is that why you've gone?

Or would you be happier?

I hope you'll be, my dear. Really, truly. I'll miss you. I'll never forget.

Je m'ennuierai de vous, mon petit chaton. Je vous aimerai toujours, et je n'oublierai jamais. Salut.

At least you were there. That's one thing I'll always treasure.

2008-04-30T21:57:00.000+10:00

Honestly. I have no idea anymore.

Trapped in a void.

I guess this is goodbye, for now.

2008-03-12T01:01:00.000+11:00

Firstly, I would like to say:

WHAT THE BLOODY EFFING HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU MY DEAR?

WHAT BLOODY RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO CALL THEM LOSERS?!

HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU A WINNER, THEN?

Is it better to just stick it in your face, then?
It would have been more obvious.
The power of one tight slap.

I'm boiling pissed off.
Sometimes I wonder if I really screwed up big time.

YOU JOLLY WELL DON'T SCREW UP, BEE-YOTCH.

It would make a lot of difference if you could prove to me that you're a winner.

Until then, sweetie...

SHUT UP.

On a brighter note...

Studying is fun(: And then I can clock my rmd hours in as well. Shuang boh...

Overfed the hamster today.

Gah, and people kept stealing my chips.

And I got my new orange marker!!!
And I haven't collected the simultaneous equations and R&F theorem worksheets yet!! Memory like a leaky sieve these days.

I'm in serious need of ventilation.

2008-01-03T22:17:00.000+11:00

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange.

You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way? Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make................

Scroll down.

Scroll down further.

Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally.

But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place? Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.

The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens.

If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.

"Remember that what's right isn't always popular... and what's popular isn't always right."

Everybody makes mistakes; that's why they put erasers on pencils.

2007-12-26T20:23:00.000+11:00

NEW POST.

Read, review, comment.

That's it, I guess.

OH WELL.

Chem, chem, chem, by the table top (:

caffeine-induced-insomnia.blogspot.com

2007-12-19T14:17:00.000+11:00

DAMN, my sister IS going to be dressed like a lightbulb next year.

SORRY GUYS):

Ah, what's with the autocracy in our school anyway?

A VERY BITCHY LIGHT BULB.

2007-12-18T01:17:00.000+11:00

Imagine a situation - a group of friends at a birthday celebration. Half way through, in jest, the group pushes the birthday boy into the pool. The boy is unhurt, but his cell phone suffers water damage.

Perhaps the student may be more or less ok with this. Why? Perhaps he can afford the repairs, or maybe even get himself that spanking new cell phone he has always wanted. And perhaps, it may be in his mindset that he considers the friendship of his comrades higher in priority than his cell phone. Whatever the outcome may be, one thing is clear - whatever negative feelings stirred up due to the loss of the cell phone are not so strong as to make it clear to the other students that this incident has cost their friend anger. This boy is obviously demonstrating care for his friends by not letting the cell phone get to him and ruin the occasion.

On the other hand, what if the guy gets real pissed by what's happened? Perhaps he isn't so well off, or deems himself so responsible for the cell phone that the damage is no small matter. His anger and negative feelings are obviously so strong that his friends will be able to see that their jest and prank, no matter how good or harmless the intention, goes as no lightweight to the birthday boy. True, the guy's anger may show his friends that the damage of the cell and what may seem to them as a harmless prank isn't such a harmless prank to him at all. But it will also make it clear that the guy places the cellphone at a much higher priority as compared to his friends.

The guy may tell his friends off such that they may understand his thinking. He may mean not to hurt his friends but he wants them to know that he wishes them to respect his interests.

And what if the friends, because of that, walk away? It may be because they misunderstand his intentions, or simply consider him too trivial. Perhaps they think differently of the cell phone damage.

If they do, the debate will remain about the importance of this friendship to them.

WHAT THE HELL, I'm getting philosophical in a totally wrong way. Oh well. Indulged myself banging out a little chick flick or two. I'm planning to write a series - the whole bozo will be posted bit by bit on my manuscript blog. Right now it looks as if it's Sweet Valley all over again. Ah well.

I miss SVU. Obviously times have changed. Do rate and review the new entries on the manuscript, kay?

ONE MORE THING.

I NEED VOLUNTEERS!!!

No, no, not for some mad scientist genetic experiment (oh, sorry, if you DID come over for that, allow me to refer you to my sister:)

IT'S SOMETHING EVEN WORSE.

Nah, it just concerns a percentage of my Econs grade for next year.

For those of you in 3-3, remember the questions Mr Gerald asked us to write up? I kinda need some help on finishing mine (:

Don't worry, I'm not asking you to finish the whole thing for me. (like finish my homework for me, actually, even though I do seriously consider that option:)

For all interested, drop me an email at yew.ruiting@gmail.com or yunaffx68@hotmail.com. Or chat with me on MSN or sth. OR EVEN BETTER, TAG MY BLOG, SMS OR CALL ME. THANK YOU.

Further details will be announced, I need people by best, this week. Don't worry, it just involves you, some kinda personality test and your pencil box. Hehe, the suspense (indeed, as if). So get back to me ASAP. All are welcome, and it shouldn't take more than 5 minutes to finish up.

Merci!

Ciao, amigos.